Healthy Relationships

Sunday Sermons

Mark Dunagan
03/03/13 - Sunday Morning

Healthy Relationships

How would your wife describe you? Hopefully you and I have given no grounds to be described as Abigal did so accurately of her husband Nabal. When Abigal spoke to David about her husband Nabal, she said, “...do not let my lord pay attention to this worthless man, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and folly is with him” (1 Samuel 25:25). This particular marriage in the Bible has always intrigued me, and begs the question how could such an intelligent, attractive, humble and kind woman as Abigal (25:3) ever have married such a mean and selfish person (25:3, 6)? While it could be that this marriage had been arranged so that Abigal didn’t have much choice in the matter, it could likewise be true that Nabal was different when younger and as he had grown older, he had become worse. Maybe Abigal had seen potential in him years ago—yet he had foolishly decided not to mature.

Dangerous Men

When it comes to relationships, friendships and associations, the Bible does warn us about the type of man to avoid:

· The angry man: Proverbs 22:24

· The Fool: Proverbs 13:20

· The Glutton/Drunk: Proverbs 28:7

Dangerous Women

There are likewise women that are quite dangerous:

· The unfaithful wife: Proverbs 7:19

· The manipulator: Ecclesiastes 7:26

· The constant complainer: Proverbs 27:15

· The self-destructive: Proverbs 14:1

Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

How do young people avoid getting into an unhealthy marriage? What does a healthy relationship look like? God's written word offers great help to correct unhealthy behavior by giving a clear picture of what a healthy relationship looks like in various areas.

Communication: 1 Peter 3:7 "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

Unhealthy	Healthy
Calling them names. Ridiculing their goals or dreams. Making them think they are crazy. Playing mind games. Making threats to leave, commit suicide or do harmful things to them or the children. Making them afraid by using intimidating looks, threats or actions. Destroying property/Abusing pets Cold shoulder. Pouting or throwing a fit to get your way. Crying as a form of manipulation.	Sincerely using terms of endearment Encouraging them in the pursuit of their goals. Listening respectfully to their point of view. Valuing their input. Making family decisions together. Verbally encouraging them. Open, positive communication Being happy even if things don’t go exactly your way. Crying—the expression of honest feelings.

Trust and Support: Proverbs 31:11 "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain."

Unhealthy	Healthy
Controlling what they do, who they can see, and talk to. Isolating them. Limiting their outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify such actions. Falsely accusing them.	Encouraging their involvement in outside interests. Supporting their friendships. Trusting them.

Honestly and Accountability: Ephesians 4:25 " Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another."

Unhealthy	Healthy
Making light of one's own terrible actions. Claiming that one's past bad actions or attitudes did not happen. Shifting responsibility. Claiming that one's actions are justified) "You made me mad!"	Accepting full responsibility for your actions. Owning up quickly to sin. Asking for forgiveness. Being humble about one's own short-comings. Focusing on my problems—not theirs. Acknowledging when he/she was in the right. Thank them for their input and wisdom.

Problem Solving: Matthew 7:12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets."

Unhealthy	Healthy
My way or the highway. Punishing them if we don’t do things our way. Zero willingness to bend. Angry at change or the idea that I need to change.	Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions. Accepting change. Seeing where I need to change. Being willing to compromise.

Parenting: Ephesians 6:1-4 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Unhealthy	Healthy
Putting all the responsibilities for training the children on the shoulders of one spouse. Saying critical things about your mate in the presence of the children. Taking the children’s side against a mate. Using the children to relay unkind messages. Threatening to take the children away.	Sharing parental responsibilities. Standing united on decisions. Standing up for your mate and praising them before the children. Having a life together without the children, making sure that you both have time together apart from the children. Continuing to date.

Money Matters: 1 Timothy 6:17 "Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy."

Unhealthy	Healthy
Making a spouse ask for money. Taking a spouse's money Hiding money from each other. Secret accounts or investments. Not letting her or him know about or have access to family income. Having everything in your name. Punishing the other person by spending too much. Buying things for self without any consideration for what the family needs.	Making money decisions together. Making sure both husband and wife benefit from financial arrangements. The economic state of the family is clear and transparent. Owning things together. Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.

Mark Dunagan | Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net | mdunagan@frontier.com