Sunday Sermons
Parenting Tips - Part 6
Parenting Tips 6
Modern Spanking Theories
There are many people in our society today who do not like the practice of parents spanking their children and here are their arguments:
· The Non-punishment Motivation Theory:
This theory claims that a child will do better and learn faster if parents eliminate all negative reinforcement from child training. A reading of the Scriptures will reveal that in spite of its popularity, God does not subscribe to this theory (Deuteronomy 8:3; Luke 13:3; Mark 9:43; 2 Timothy 4:2; 2 Peter 2:4-9). Along with the previous passages the entire 28th chapter of Deuteronomy is just one example of God’s perspective on the use of positive and negative reinforcement.
· The Shepherd Theory:
It is argued that the term rod in Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son”), is used symbolically, that the rod that the shepherd used was only used for guidance, and that a shepherd would never strike his sheep. First, this assumption is not true. Shepherds will go to great lengths to protect and train their sheep. Proverbs 23:13-14 contradicts the above theory for that verse reads, “Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from Sheol”. In addition, human beings are comforted by the fact that God loves us enough that He will correct us (Psalm 23:4).
· The God Model Theory:
This is the theory which advocates that since God shows grace and mercy to adults and does not punish us for every sin we commit, that should be the model we use as a pattern in dealing with our children. This theory forgets that a spanking is an element of grace and mercy, for a spanking is never the final punishment for rebellion. It is unfair to compare a spanking to God “zapping” someone, for life continues for the child after the spanking, rather a spanking is comparable to a rebuke for an adult. The Bible notes that such correction will save the child from Sheol (Proverbs 23:13-14), and is in fact proof of parental love(Proverbs 13:24; Hebrews 12:5-6; 10-11). The spanking is designed to graciously keep the child from suffering terrible consequences.
A spanking is a temporary measure, a second chance designed to get us back on the right track so that we do not end up eternally lost. “You shall know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you” (Deuteronomy 8:5).
· The Violence Theory:
This is the theory that claims that spanking only teaches our children to become violent and aggressive in their behavior. Actually, the opposite is true. How many children who are never spanked have you seen hitting their parents? “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). Please note that God says that the outcome of parent discipline is not violence, rather it is the peaceful fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:6-11). The discipline in the above section of Scripture includes discipline that is not joyful or pleasant at the moment it is administered! “The final reason to disprove this theory is based on the percentages of violent crimes that have occurred in our social history over the last 80 years. When our society used physical chastisement within the family, we all enjoyed a greater social order with far less violence. Only in the last couple of decades, when we have actively moved toward a no-spank society, have we experienced violence to a greater degree than ever before. As our society moved toward the non-spank philosophy of the late 1960’s and throughout the 1970’s and 1980’s, violent behavior in the schools escalated” (Growing Kids God’s Way, pp. 299-300). There are passages in the Bible that note when Biblical standards and restrictions are ignored; the result is not a happier, more tranquil and healthy society, but rather the exact opposite (Romans 1:18-32; Titus 3:3).
· The Last Resort Theory:
This is the idea that spanking should only be used as a last resort. Certainly all the verses in Proverbs do not teach such and neither do they given hint that spanking should only be used if nothing else works, rather the urgency of such discipline is encouraged, “Discipline your son while there is hope” (Proverbs 19:18). Such a theory also places all the power in the hands of the child, as if the child gets to determine the where and when of the spanking.
Modern Objections
“Spanking is not loving”: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24).
“I will stifle his genius and creativity”: “The rod and rebuke gives wisdom” (Proverbs 29:15).
“He is just being a child”: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).
“If I spank him, my child will hate me”: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; he will give you delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17). Remember, the correction and discipline mentioned in the context of the book of Proverbs includes the rod of correction.
Abuses
We should note that any form of disciple or instruction could be abused, including such things as timeouts. Spanking, just like any other form of instruction and correction can be abused and thus fail to accomplish the goal that God intended. Carefully consider the following reasons why certain forms of discipline are ineffective:
1. Spanking is an objective form of correction it is not a last resort. Remember the goal is not to humiliate the child, but rather to enable the child to deal effectively with his guilt.
2. Parents talk too much, hoping to persuade, by logic, a child that is too young to understand such logic.
3. Parents are inconsistent.
4. Parents fail to establish clear boundaries.
5. Parents are afraid the child will not love them.
6. Parents try to undo years of poor parenting by chastisement.
The Verses:
Proverbs 23:13-14:
“The child will not only survive it, he will survive because of it” (Kidner p. 152). “The text does not justify brutalizing children. Parents who find it only too easy to apply the rod, and especially those who lose their tempers when doing so, should consider Ephesians 6:4” (Garrett p. 196). “Wisdom literature is also timeless in the sense that what is recommended here does not change in the New Testament. Children need spankings then just as much as they need them today” (Alden p. 170). Please note that self-control and maturity don’t just happen with the physical aging process. We cannot depend on the popular idea, “Well, they will eventually grow out of it”. The process to an unselfish life is not easy or painless. Many adults would testify that if one doesn’t receive loving and consistent discipline as a child, the only other way to gain mastery over self is typically to learn it the hard way. Either we can correct our children, or “life” will administer discipline that is often very deadly, or life will administer a type of lesson in which there is no second chance.
Proverbs 22:15:
Note, the verse does not say that a child is born depraved (1 Corinthians 14:20), but children are born immature, and ignorant, and if not educated or disciplined they can easily become fools. In reflecting back all of us can remember the foolish, unwise, careless, and immature things that we either did or thought when we were children. The good news is that such foolishness can be removed by godly discipline. Any child can mature and develop good judgment and self-control. To me this verse offers a good argument against people who try to excuse sinful behavior on the premise that, “they were born this way”. Clearly, Solomon is arguing that sin is not genetic. Be impressed that the purpose of such discipline is to remove folly far from the child. It isn’t enough to merely tell a child that something is wrong; we must convince them that they need to abhor such behavior. Contrary to the claims of Calvinism, a miraculous indwelling of the Spirit does not drive folly from the child, but rather godly and diligent parental discipline that is in harmony with the will of God.
Proverbs 29:15-17:
Note that God believes to both kinds of discipline. Mere verbal correction or reasoning with the child will not get the job done, but neither will simply punitive discipline. There must be a good balance between communication, instruction, encouragement, and correction. “Those who do not discipline their children suffer grievous embarrassment; those who do will be at ease, able to trust their children and delighted with the children’s growth and accomplishments” (Garrett p. 231). A spanking imparts wisdom! It does not teach children to be violent or hateful, rather it imparts wisdom. A child who gets his own way or who is left to himself is allowed to do as he pleases and have whatever he wants. It is naïve to believe that we can just let children raise themselves and they will naturally find the right path in life.
Proverbs 19:18:
“While there is hope”: This implies that the opportunity is not unlimited when it comes to properly raising our children. The verse also tells parents that there is always hope when godly discipline is being administered, and that every child needs such training. It always makes sense to try! “And do not desire his death”, means that the discipline approved by God in this verse is not child abuse. “To withhold discipline is neither a compliment nor a kindness; and the opportunity passes” (Kidner p. 134). Literally, this last clause reads, “Do not lift up your life to kill him”, “meaning do not make the kind of decisions that will lead to his death (allowing him to go astray through neglect)” (Gaebelein p. 1035). The verse could also mean that withholding correction is giving up on your child and simply waiting for the inevitable.
Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net/mdunagan@easystreet.com
