Sunday Sermons
Boys Will Be Men - Part 2
Part II
Having faith in our boys
Parents can fall into the temptation of expecting the worse as far of the future of their boys is concerned. “The faith exhibited by wise parents of boys is the faith of a farmer, or a sculptor, or anyone else engaged in the work of shaping unfolding possibilities. It is not the faith of someone waiting around for lightning to strike; it is the faith of someone who looks at the present and sees what it will become—through grace and good works. Say a boy breaks a chair because he is jumping on it from the bunk bed. Unbelief sees the cost of replacing the chair. Faith sees aggressiveness and courage, both of which obviously need to be directed and disciplined. Suppose a boy gets into a fight protecting his sister. Unbelief sees the lack of wisdom that created a situation that could have been easily avoided; faith sees an immature masculinity that is starting to assume the burden of manhood. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. Faith takes a boy aside, and tells him that this part of what he did was good, while that other part of what he did got in the way. ‘And this is how to do it better next time. This issue of fighting provides a good example of how necessary such distinctions are. Of course parents do not want to encourage fighting in their sons. But this is not the only item on the menu. Neither do they want to encourage abdication and cowardice” (Future Men, Douglas Wilson, pp. 9-10). Parents must be there to help their sons decide when they need to turn the other cheek(Matthew 5:39), and when it is time to pick up the scourge of cords (John 2:15). When the sword only results in self-destruction(Matthew 26:52), and when the sword needs to be used (Romans 13:4).
The parasitic nature of sin
“Unbelief cannot look past the surface. If there was any sin involved, unbelief sees only the sin. Faith sees what was turned aside to the service of sin and seeks to turn it back again. Sin is parasitic and cannot function without some good attributes that it seeks to corrupt. Consequently, faith must distinguish that which must be preserved and developed and that which must be abandoned as sin” (Wilson p. 11). This is an excellent observation, years ago William Barclay observed that the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21 are actually simply perversions of what once was good. Wilson reminds us, “At the beginning of his life, a boy does not know what century he was born in” (p. 11). Unfortunately, we lived in a politically correct culture that seeks to drill or drug masculine traits out of our boys by the time they are ten. We need to remember to train our boys according to what Scripture says (Titus 2:6-8), and not according to what the culture says (Romans 12:1-2).
What is masculinity?
The challenge for many males in our society today is to correctly understand what it means to be a man, “manhood is where boyhood should be aimed” (p. 13). Douglas Jones has argued that masculinity is “the collection of all those characteristics which flow from delighting in and sacrificing bodily strength for goodness”. It would certainly be accurate to say that true manhood is being the type of man of which God would approve, “act like men” (1 Corinthians 16:13). The following are five aspects that seem to make up God’s definition of what it means to be a man:
· Leadership:
“For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him” (Genesis 18:19); “Be strong and courageous” (Joshua 1:6); “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (24:15); “Even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me, until I declare your strength to this generation, your power to all who are to come” (Psalm 71:18); “He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity” (1 Timothy 3:4). Notice this last phrase, “with all dignity”; here is the difference between a dictator and a true leader. Honor, purity, reverence, seriousness, and respectfulness. It would appear that the “dignity” applies not merely to the children, but to how the elder keeps his children under control. He is a dignified father, that is, he does not have to yell at his children or threaten them to keep them in subjection. “Denotes the dignified way in which the father will secure the obedience of his children” (Hiebert p. 67). “In boys, we might call this the ‘tree fort’ impetus. Boys want to conquer and subdue, and if the terrain before them is the back yard, then that is what they want to conquer and subdue” (Wilson p. 14). We need to channel and direct this conquering, planning, and leading energy. “They should learn to be adventurous and visionary” (p. 15). Our boys also need to be reminded that the distinction between masculinity and femininity is not one of “outdoors” and “indoors”. Reading and studying so that one can become wise is also very masculine (2 Timothy 2:15). The general on the field of battle also has to plan and understand logistics, math and many other subjects. Boys also need to be cautioned against a counterfeit masculinity, that is boys and men who excel at making excuses. “True masculinity accepts responsibility, period, while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success” (p. 22). In addition, parents need to resist the temptation of trying to make excuses for their sons. “Suppose the coach substitutes another player, or the boy is dropped from the team because he is on academic probation, or some other fallout occurs. Parents are often ferocious in explaining why this shouldn’t happen. The son is in the background, taking notes. So when they, the parents, confront him about something, he does what he has learned from them”(pp. 22-23). “Boys must learn to say, regularly—to God, to others, and to themselves—that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible. When they do this, they will discover that authority naturally flows to those who take responsibility. That same authority naturally flees from those who seek to shift that responsibility or the blame” (p. 23). Compare with James 5:16; Luke 15:18; Psalm 51:1ff. “Another related problem is the practice of young men gravitating to one or two things they are naturally good at and staying there. The result is a very narrow competence, and the world outside that realm of competence is simply ignored” (pp. 24-25). When these boys become men, the women they married can become very frustrated with their husband’s refusal to move into areas in which he might at first fail.
· Husbandmen:
“Man was created, not only to discover and conquer new worlds, but also to make those worlds flourish” (p. 15). Adam was to have dominion (Genesis 1:28), and he was also to settle down, tend and keep (2:15). Men do not merely tend gardens; they tend businesses, families, congregations, and communities as well (1 Timothy 5:8; Ephesians 6:4). Masculinity includes being patient, careful, and hardworking as well as adventurous. There is the temptation of laziness and desiring to shun hard work(Proverbs 10:5), but a boy needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body wants to give up. Wilson makes a good distinction between self-esteem and self-respect. “A boy lounging on a soft couch can fancy himself quite the working man. Work should not just be done; it should be proven, tested. And when it is, a boy learns the deep and godly satisfaction that comes from a job well done” (p. 60). “A boy who learns to settle into his laziness is being prepared by his parents for a life of frustration (Proverbs 13:4 “The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing”. Nothing ever seems to go right for him; the breaks always go to the other guy. The ball always bounces away from him. He is adept at making excuses, and so he continues to do so—but this does not make the frustration go away. Why is the other guy always so ‘lucky?’ The answer is that everything comes to the one who hustles while he waits” (p. 60). God not only promises frustration and poverty to the lazy man (Proverbs 6:6-11), but God warns young men that in His providence, the lazy man is not going to be treated with kindness and tenderness. Please note that a “burst of activity” is not hard work or the diligence that God commands. The problem with laziness is that there is a definite lack of follow-through (Proverbs 12:27 “A slothful man does not roast his prey”), that is, the lazy man never brings any project to completion. “In each case, whether as non-finisher or non-starter, the indolent man throws away his chances” (Kidner p. 99). To the diligent, everything that they acquire is treated as precious (1 Timothy 4:4). “Some people will never get ahead because of not taking care of what they have” (Hunt p. 149). “A lazy man buries his hand in the bowl, and will not so much as bring it to his mouth again” (Proverbs 19:24). I believe that here we can see that God has a definite sense of humor. The sluggard is pictured as being so lazy that he is too lazy to lift his hand to his mouth so he can eat. The sluggard refuses to finish what he starts. “The rare effort of beginning has been too much; the impulse dies…and his meal goes cold on him” (Kidner p. 42). If we think that this verse is an exaggeration, we might change our mind when actually we run into this type of person. “All of life becomes a burden to the ambitionless person” (Hunt p. 251). Parents must resist the temptation to subsidize a lazy child! (2 Thess. 3:10).
· Deliverers:
Men also have a deep desire to deliver, rescue, and save. “And this is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. And to beat the spears into pruning hooks prematurely, before the war is over, will leave you fighting the dragon with a pruning hook” (p. 16). The point is, we are involved in a war (Ephesians 6:10-18), there is a real dragon out there to slay (Revelation 12:9; James 4:7), and there is a good fight to fight (2 Timothy 4:7). “Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good” (p. 16).
· Sages:
The godly man also needs wisdom (James 1:5; Proverbs 9:8-9). “We must therefore teach our boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion” (p. 16). Study can be difficult and wearisome (Ecclesiastes 12:12), but we must help our sons make the connection between diligent study, and wisdom in the years to come. We must teach our boys to be teachable, studious and thoughtful. If they are not prepared to answer (1 Peter 3:15), if they are not knowledgeable in the Scriptures then the dragon or his followers is going to have them for lunch (Romans 16:18). What worries me sometimes is that it seems that people in the world understand their “doctrine” better than our children understand the truth. “Do you spend time in devotions/bible studies with your children regularly?”
· Glory-Bearers:
“Since he is the image and glory of God” (1 Corinthians 11:7). “Man has no created superior” (McGarvey p. 111). “Ellicot notes that man is the glory of God as the crown of creation and as endowed with sovereignty like God Himself” (Robertson p. 160). This is a tremendous truth that our boys need to comprehend. They are the pinnacle of creation, to them this earth has been entrusted. Wives, children, congregations and communities, as well as nations will be entrusted to their care (Ephesians 5:22ff). They are representatives of the Creator in this world, they need to feel the weight of that responsibility, and as a result be holy (1 Peter 1:14).
