Cherished

Sunday Sermons

Mark Dunagan
11/11/07 - Sunday Evening

Cherished

There are many passages that exhort Christians to keep their minds pure (Matthew 5:28; 2 Corinthians 10:5), yet this, more than any other battle, seems to be the temptation most battled among Christian men. The purpose of this lesson is to help Christian men succeed in offering a pure mind to both God and their spouse.

What She Gave Up

When some men approach marriage they sometimes think that they are the only one in the relationship that is giving up their freedom. “Your wife gave up her freedom for you. She relinquished her rights to seek happiness elsewhere. She exchanged this freedom for something she considered more valuable: your love and your word. Her dreams are tied up in you, dreams of sharing and communication and oneness” (Everyman’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, p. 201). Every Christian husband should commit himself to making his wife’s dream of a warm and fulfilling relationship come true.

Honor Her Dreams

It is easy to enter the marriage relationship only thinking about your own expectations and hopes, and completely forget about the hopes and dreams of your wife. What is she hoping for when she says, “I do”? She is hoping for:

A man who will be loyal to her in both thought and deed.
A man who will be honest with her, not hiding various aspects of his life.
A man who will view her as his one and only.
A man who will find her irresistible and not one of many.
A man who makes her feel secure in his love.

My Little Ewe Lamb

In Ephesians 5:29, loving one’s wife is placed under the terms of nourishing and cherishing. In my mind, one of the best examples of this is how Nathan describes the relationship between Uriah and Bathsheba.

“But the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb which he bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and his children. It would eat of his bread and drink of his cup and lie in his bosom, and was like a daughter to him” (2 Samuel 12:3). In this context, we see two distinctly different attitudes. David saw Bathsheba only as someone to satisfy a selfish desire, while Uriah saw Bathsheba as the joy of his life. She was precious to him. “Regardless of the current rubble in your marriage or the list of unmet conditions, when you look deeply enough into your wife’s eyes, past the pain and hurts and fights, you can still find that little ewe lamb gazing back, hoping all things and trusting all things” (p. 197).

David or Uriah?

Which man in this section of Scripture (2 Samuel 11:8-13) would we rather be like?

David Uriah

Trying to cover his sin Nothing to hide

Consumed by guilt Consumed by honor

Earthly minded Heavenly minded

Indulgent Self-controlled

“Look at Uriah! He was so consumed by the purposes of God that he refused to go to his house even to wash his feet. His purity of soul was so great that no treacherous trick formed against him could stand. Uriah knew his place. He was satisfied to be part of God’s purposes, to fill his role” (p. 195). The same writers note, “We’ve known very few men consumed by their marriages, and fewer still consumed by purity, but both are God’s desire for you” (p. 187). Yet Uriah was consumed by both. He was a very honorable man, and he deeply loved his wife.

What am I Looking at?

In past lessons we have mentioned that any woman is someone’s daughter and someone’s present or future wife. Yet the example of David adds another level. The woman that we might be tempted to stare at (Matthew 5:28) is probably cherished by someone; whether a father, mother, or husband. When David looked at Bathsheba, he saw an attractive woman, but he did not see what Uriah saw. Lust looks very cheap and weak when we realize that the person we are lusting after, someone else would actually give up their life for them. When this dawns upon us, we need to come to terms with the unmanly nature of lust.

Helpful Thoughts

I do not have the right:

Sometimes people convince themselves that “there is no harm in looking” or “everyone does it”. We need to come to terms with passages such as Matthew 5:28. No, I do not have the right. The real problem with lust, then, is probably not even the sexual temptation, rather it is the prideful attitude that I have the right to instant and immediate gratification.

Beware of Satan’s Lies:

“God made them beautiful on purpose. Of course you should look.”
“It won’t hurt anything—you’re only looking. You aren’t really lusting yet.”
“Life is too hard, it is unbearable to live by such tight standards. God could possibly have intended that for you. Go ahead and look. He loves you and wants you to lived life more abundantly.”
“I know your wife is bothered when you look at other women, but that’s her problem. She has the problem, not you. She needs to grow in maturity, knowledge and freedom.”
“Hey, you are a man, and this is only natural.”

Habits Can Die:

The good news about any sinful habit is that if it lives like a habit, it can die like a habit. The human mind can be cleansed and renewed (Ephesians 4:22-23).

Do Not Underestimate Lust:

“If we define ‘lusting’ as staring open-mouthed until drool pools at your feet, then a glance isn’t the same as lusting. But if we define lusting as any look that creates that little chemical high, that little pop, then we have something a bit more difficult to measure. That chemical high happens more quickly than you realize” (p. 125).

The Problem is not our Manhood

Sometimes even Christian men tend to discount this problem by reasoning, “After all, I am a man, and men are just naturally rebellious and like a wild mustang by nature”. In the book Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives, Dr. James Dobson writes, “The straight life for a working man… is pulling your tired frame out of bed, five days a week, fifty weeks out of the year. It is earning a two-week vacation in August, and choosing a trip that will please the kids. The straight life is spending your money wisely when you’d rather indulge in a new whatever; it is taking your son bike riding on Saturday when you want so badly to watch the baseball game; it is cleaning out the garage on your day off after working sixty hours the prior week. The straight life is coping with head colds and engine tune-ups and crab grass and income-tax forms; it is taking your family to church on Sunday when you’ve heard every idea the minister has to offer; it is giving a portion of your income to God’s work when you already wonder how ends will meet”. I certainly understand this quote, but I think it misses the point. A real man who is serving God does not feel deprived or stuck in a rut. Go back and compare David and Uriah. Maybe David thought that life had become too routine or boring, but I do not see Uriah having the same attitude. I believe the above quotation needs to be improved:

“The Christian man gets up in the morning appreciating the fact that he is still alive, and is excited about the new adventures that await him. He might have a two-week vacation in August, but at the same time, just coming home to his family and getting a kiss from his wife is an entrance back into Paradise. He is refreshed and renewed by his prayer time with God, his time in the Scriptures, and his nightly walk as he soaks in the wonders of God’s creation. The vacation he chooses pleases not merely the kids, but more importantly his wife. He spends his money wisely and, as a result, can afford to treat himself and his wife to a night out, a weekend alone, or something that they would like. He manages his time wisely so that he can both take his son bike riding and see the baseball game—yet he would probably rather play in a baseball game than merely be a spectator and therefore, instead of watching TV, he plans all sorts of outdoor events. He is an organized man, so he does not have to spend his entire day off cleaning out the garage. He is not afraid of hard work—it actually energies him. On his day off, he might be helping someone else. Like everyone else, he copes with sickness, car problems, and taxes, but he does not feel sorry for himself. He leads his family to worship, and even when he is not getting anything from the lesson, he grows just from his own Bible study, and volunteers to do some preaching himself. He gives to God first and confidently knows that God will provide, never resenting the opportunity to help further the kingdom.”

Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017