Steps Toward Change

Mark Dunagan
06/15/08 - Sunday Evening

 

How many times have you been determined to change, only to be frustrated with relapses into old habits and behaviors? What techniques are used by those whose changes are successful? In this lesson I want to look at some very practical ways in which we can change and remain changed for the better.

 

Uproot Poisonous Plants

 

“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and but it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). “Let us also say aside every encumbrance” (Hebrews 12:1). Examples of poisonous plants and encumbrances would be:

 

1. Physical encumbrances: Stuff that has been piling up on your desk or in your office. “Things you own or are paying for that you are not using, or that are not bringing you true and lasting benefits” (Nine Things A Leader Must Do, Dr. Henry Cloud, p. 32).

2. Relational encumbrances: Relationships that are not going anywhere, or are taking us places in the opposite direction of God’s will (1 Corinthians 15:33).

3. Emotional encumbrances. Such as unnecessary anxiety and worry.

 

When the Holy Spirit tells us to “put off the old man” (Ephesians 4:22) before He tells us to put on the new man (4:24), we are being given an important principle, that is, “New things that actually have hope for the future cannot appear until you get rid of what was taking up the space that the new thing needs” (Dr. Cloud p. 36). “Either fill the cavity or pull the tooth. And the sooner the better. Then new energy, resources, time, and space become available to you to focus on the things that have life in them. The negative energy drain is stopped, making room for the good stuff” (p. 33).

 

Avoid - Avoidance

 

Avoiding making necessary changes or decisions will only mean that worry and frustration will plague us. Avoidance always prolongs the pain. “Do not let bad situations sit, stagnate, get infected, and drain your life away” (p. 39).

 

Address and Stay Away from Cringe Factors

 

“A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it” (Proverbs 22:3). “If you encounter a situation that you would not want to live with, fix it before you go forward, or don’t go forward without realizing that you are choosing to live with a bad tooth” (p. 39). “My rule is this: Anytime I have to cringe or take a big gulp to agree to do anything substantial with anyone, whether to hire him, work with him, or anything significant, I don’t do it. Period” (p. 38).

 

Play the Whole Movie

 

The idea here is learning to look ahead and only make the decisions today that will be a positive influence upon your future.“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity… So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants” (Deuteronomy 30:15,19).

 

• Your life is like a movie, yet you get to choose most of the scenes. How many times have you watched a movie only to be frustrated by the decisions of the characters? “Plot a movie, a vision of your life, your career, your relationships, your finances, and so on. See it, plan it, and then evaluate each scene you write every day in light of where the movie is supposed to end. If you do that make sure that you include the right supporting cast along the way” (p. 50).

• Remember, the movie is not optional, all of us have a life to live, but the happy ending is!

• Do not become focused on immediate comfort. Many people are tempted to opt out of four or so years of college because it seems difficult and daunting, but in doing so they settling for an occupation they hate. So if you are in a position where you don’t really like what you are doing right now, but you are also scared by three or four years of schooling remember you are still likely going to be alive four years from now. Avoid the temptation of thinking that the present “is all there is”. Remember, the future is going to come no matter what we decide. “Immediate relief from hard work is not the only consequence. By avoiding the immediate discomfort, you also sign up for the negative consequences residing within the future reality” (pp. 47-48).

• The same is true for any relationships we have that are not happy. One year from now, would you rather look back on a year of effort and a better relationship, or would you rather remain unhappy?

• “Sowing and reaping is much bigger than the connection between what I am doing now and what will occur immediately following. It’s about now and what I will ultimately end up with if I sow this particular behavior, choice, attitude, value, or strategy” (p. 44).

 

A Lesson from the Ant

 

“Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer, and gathers her provision in the harvest” (Proverbs 6:6-8).

 

Among other things to learn from the ant, one lesson is clear, the importance of “little things”. Poverty comes to the sluggard because he has squandered many “little opportunities” (6:10 “A little sleep, a little slumber”). The ant builds up his supplies for the winter one grain at a time.

 

• One temptation is to avoid paths that cause us pain or require change and effort at the moment. Ants do not get discouraged that one grain does not equal an anthill and neither should we. Any task that seems daunting can be broken down into many small steps. Henry Ford said, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs”.

• We can achieve big goals and big change in our lives for the better when we take many small steps.

• The devil tries to convince us at times to adopt “all or nothing” thinking. That is, “If my marriage is not happy now, then I am not going to work on it”, “If I can’t do something perfectly or effortlessly, then I am not going to even try”.

• “All-or-nothing thinking keeps people stuck in destructive ruts. All success is built and sustained just like a building is built, one brick at a time. But one brick seems too small and insignificant for all-or-nothing thinkers. They want it all, and one brick, one dollar, one pound, one new customer, is not enough for them” (p. 66).

• It is easy to fall into the trap of defeating ourselves before we even start. Do we say or think things like, “The goal is just too big”, “I don’t have the skills”, “I don’t have the resources, like money or help”, “I don’t’ have the time to accomplish it”, “The distance from where I am now to where I want to be seems too great”, “I am just one of those people who is destined to never achieve any of my dreams”, or, “Regular people like me never get any breaks”.

 

Practical Applications

 

• If your office or house is a mess, but the task of cleaning seems way too big to tackle, concentrate on cleaning up just one room. Or spend ten minutes each day working on a drawer. It is amazing how an organized room can help free up your mind to tackle far more important issues.

• Are you out of shape? Start with ten minutes of exercise a day, then build up to fifteen, then twenty, until you reach your goal. You will not only feel better about yourself, but have more energy to serve God and others.

• Do you want to write something meaningful? Spend twenty minutes in the evening putting your thoughts down? Consider not only writing journals for your kids to read later on, but sermons and magazine articles.

• Do you want to preach? Start with a five minute invitation, then a ten minute mini-sermon.

• Do you want to reach more people for Christ? Then try to talk to one person a week about a Bible study. Start leaving a card for the waitress when you go out to eat. Start handing out door-hangers in just your neighborhood, then move the next street over. Make a goal of knocking on at least one of the doors and interacting with the people inside and then move up from there.

• Remember, wanting it now will prevent you from ever having it. Avoid taking short-cuts, they are all dead ends and only make the trip longer. One step at a time is the shortest way to our goals. “Crash diets and get-rich-quick-schemes usually waste precious time that could have been invested in a longer, more fruitful process. By obeying the natural growth order that God created, you will get in step with the universe, one grain of sand at a time” (p. 69).

• “If your marriage is faltering, restore it one counseling session at a time, one act of kindness at a time, one example of not overreacting at a time, one bouquet of flowers at time, one doing-something-unexpected-and-sacrificial at a time” (p. 71).

• “If you are depressed, get out of bed and do one small thing, like going to the park and walking. Or call a friend to do something different one night instead of staying passively at home. Take one step of journaling your thoughts and feelings for ten minutes a day and deciding to change one negative belief or thought” (p. 71).