Sunday Sermons
The Sacred Romance
God did not let even one day pass by between creating Adam and giving him his helpmeet in Eve. On the very first day of Adam’s existence, he was married (Genesis 1:24-27; 2:25). At this time God specifically said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). In reflecting upon this statement most of us would probably say that it was good for Adam to have the companionship of another human being, but what advantages does marriage bring beyond companionship? There are many passages that clearly link the marriage relationship to happiness, and that one noble purpose for the relationship is to bring happiness to both parties (Deuteronomy 24:5; Ecclesiastes 9:9; Proverbs 5:18-19; 1 Corinthians 7:33 “How he may please his wife”). In what ways may God have designed this relationship for more than just our happiness? Could it be that God also designed the marriage relationship to make us holy?
1 Corinthians 7:8 “It is good for them if they remain even as I”
Some have taken this verse and others in this chapter (7:32-35), as evidence that the single life is a better environment for spiritual growth than what is available in the married life, yet we know what Paul advises must be congruent with Genesis 2:18 and all other passages. Paul’s statements about the single life in this chapter becomes much more clear when we remember the context of the coming distress addressed in the same chapter (7:28-32). Having a wife and family during a time of persecution would indeed add additional pressures that the single man would not have to endure.
Marriage and Holiness
- “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4)
- “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2)
Obviously, marriage can enable men and women to avoid sexual immorality, and thus protects holiness, yet in what other areas does marriage help us with holiness and spiritual maturity?
To Be Like Christ
On first thought, one might be tempted to think that Jesus would not be a good model for our marriages, seeing that He was never married, and yet the Scriptures inherently relate Jesus to our marriages:
- “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22)
- “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body” (5:23)
- “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)
Sadly, I think at times that some young men get the idea that there is an uneasy tension between a commitment to Christ and falling in love with a woman, that somehow these things seem to be opposites, and yet Peter was married and so were most of the apostles (1 Corinthians 9:5). From the above passages it is clear that marriage does not unnecessarily get in the way of following Christ, rather, “If you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise” (Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas, p. 21). Let’s consider a few spiritual benefits of marriage:
Marriage Will Change Your Prayer Life
The prayer life you had while single is certain to change. First, you might have to adjust the times in which you pray, and secondly, if you are a man, there are times you will be leading your wife and family in prayer, and will need to present their needs before the throne of God, as well as your own. Your prayers will set an example of how to bring God audibly the most pressing needs of the family. Because your concern base grows in marriage, your prayers are likely to be that much more fervent.
The Full Length Mirror
Paul notes that the complete Word of God serves as a very clear mirror so we can see ourselves accurately (1 Corinthians 13:12). I have found that marriage is also a mirror of sorts. “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, ‘Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like’ (Gary and Besty Ricucci). “What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness. Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, ‘Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married about a year said, ‘I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was just because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began… dealing with differences, I saw how small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before” (Sacred Marriage, p. 93).
The Two Choices
When Adam and Eve were exposed in the Garden, they had made the choice to run, hide, and blame (Genesis 3:7-12). The intimacy and openness they had enjoyed previously as a couple was replaced by hiding and hatred. Thus, there are two choices in marriage, either we can run and hide from each other, which includes simply tolerating each other and only talking about subjects that are safe, or at arms length, or we can embrace this opportunity to truly see ourselves. Consider the following observations:
- “Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance. Sin, wrong attitudes, and personal failures that are not dealt with slowly erode the relationships” (Sacred Marriage, p. 96).
- When people run from a marriage, at times they are not so much running from behavior that they cannot stand in a spouse, at times they are running from their own revealed weaknesses.
- Everyone enters marriage with weaknesses, problems and sins. “View marriage as an entryway into sanctification – as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you the opportunity to address them before the Lord. Don’t give into the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Correspondingly, give them the freedom and acceptance they need to order to face their own weaknesses as well” (Sacred Marriage, p. 97).
- Do not crush someone when their sin is exposed, rather encourage them (Galatians 6:1-2; Proverbs 15:2 “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable”; 12:18 “The tongue of the wise brings healing”).
- If you focus on the weaknesses of your spouse you will find them. “If you want to obsess about them they will grow – but you will not” (Sacred Marriage, p. 70).
In light of the above comments, we should not be surprised to find that God designed marriage to be a nurturing and purifying relationship (Ephesians 5:26-27).
Being Other Focused
“There are legions of books published every year that teach us how to care for ourselves. As our society becomes increasingly fractured, there is a virtual obsession with looking out for ourselves, standing up for ourselves, and bettering ourselves... While our society has become expert in self-care, we seemingly have lost the art of caring for others. Sacrifice has taken on such negative connotations that people fear being ‘co-dependant’’ more than they fear being perceived as selfish” (Sacred Marriage, p. 43).
“Whenever martial dissatisfaction rears its ugly head in my marriage – as it does in virtually every marriage – I simply check my focus. The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a ‘better’ wife” (Sacred Marriage, p. 101). This must be one reason why Jesus only gave one cause for divorce (Matthew 19:9). It should remind us that people who are intent on changing spouses are working on the wrong issue. We are not allowed to simply change spouses, but we are always given the permission to change ourselves. One writer noted that taking a job where he worked from home gave him a tremendous insight into what it was like to spend an entire day seeing his wife’s world and the things that she daily encountered. Remember, love needs to be learned again and again, and there is no end to this learning, while attitudes such as bitterness need no instruction – such things need only wait for an opportunity. Thus, to say to our beloved, “I will always love you”, is in actuality saying, “I will always act like Christ”.
