Transition

Mark Dunagan
01/09/11 - Sunday Morning

Transition

There are symbolic similarities between springtime and our early years, as there is with summer, autumn and winter in the stages that follow. Not only is life comprised of stages or seasons, between those seasons there are also significant periods of transition, including:

• Between Junior High and High School

• Between High School and College

• Between College and getting a job

• Between singleness and the first year of marriage

• When you change careers

• The first year of parenting

• When the kids leave the family nest

• When a mate dies

• Moving from your home into assisted living

The Reason for This Lesson

Most people will go through these stages and I have found that in each transition period there can be dangers to avoid and blessings to drink in.

When In Transition, avoid:

• Not wanting to move on, digging in one's heels and stubbornly attempting to hold on to the past. There is the danger of thinking that everything in the last stage was better than what lies ahead. “Do not say, ‘Why is it that the former days were better than these?’ For it is not from wisdom that you ask about this” (Ecclesiastes 7:10).

• Getting angry or depressed about the transition. Being upset and thinking, “Why do things have to change, and why can’t everything just remain as it is now?”

• Venerating a stage of life, for example refusing to mentally leave the high school or college years, refusing to let go of the kids as they leave home, or refusing to give up a career no matter how it is setting you back financially, or not stepping down and retiring when you should.

• Being angry at the new things that people increasingly expect of you, and the new responsibilities contained in your approaching stage of life.

• Being frightened. Getting kind of lost and not knowing who you are, and how you fit into this new season.

• Jumping too soon. That is, jumping into a season before it arrives for you, for example, wanting to live like an adult before you can handle adult responsibilities.

• Abusing your new freedoms (Jude 4; “For you were called for freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). “Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God” (1 Peter 2:16). At many transition stages, I see the same temptation, that is, the temptation to get lost “in playing”. One can play too much in High School, or play too much in College. Even older adults can play too much when they retire. Moderation in pleasure will keep us both refreshed and productive.

• Getting tired of working and being responsible. This is one of the challenges of going off to college. Instead of the “I just finished 12 years of school and now I'm supposed to do 4,6 or 8 more?” attitude, enjoy the blessing of learning new things and challenging yourself.

• Being afraid that you are no longer needed in this new stage. This can happen when you age and feel that no one really wants to listen to what you have to say, or when you feel that you cannot compete with younger workers before you are at retirement age. Instead of “I am 59 and who wants to hire someone who is 59?” – realize that experience can be the most valued kind of education.

Beware of the Lies

One of the dangers of each new season of life is that many people have done all the gone things in those seasons and have written or stated lies concerning what to expect in that period of life. Don't listen to liars who say:

• “You will rebel as a teenager, you will develop an attitude, you will be ashamed of your parents, you will experiment with drugs and sex”: Such life-damaging behavior is not the “natural” or “healthy/normal” state of the teenage years: Psalm 19:9; Luke 2:51-52

• “You will fall in the love, get married, but the love in the marriage will continually go downhill after the honeymoon. Your marriage will become like all other marriages”: This does not have to happen: Ecclesiastes 9:9

• “After the kids leave home, you and your wife will discover that you have nothing in common and will drift apart”: Not true! There's more time than ever to “kick up your heals”. Proverbs 5:18

• “When you get old you will no longer be wanted”: Never! Proverbs 16:31

• “When you have children, you must put your life and your happiness on hold until they are raised”: Untrue! Bring your children along for the joyride of life!

• “You are 58 and are no longer employable”: What?! Experience and wisdom will always be marketable skills.

• “It is terrible when the kids leave, you will be so lonely”. To the contrary – now's your chance to enjoy more time with friends and using the extra hours of post-parenting to grow all your other relationships.

• “Growing old is bad, the golden years are not what they are advertized to be”. While it's true that strength fades with age, yet in other ways it can be one's strongest, happiest, and most fulfilling stage in life.

An Optimistic View of the Future

You Are Needed in The Future

There is a place for each one of us, especially for Christians. For example, I may need that college to secure a better financial future, yet what may be even more true is that that school desperately needs my presence (Philippians 2:15). In addition, if that school is in another city or state, then the congregation there needs the use of my abilities as well, “When he had arrived, he helped greatly those who had believed through grace” (Acts 18:27). Thus, the future is filled with people who need me, a future mate, future children, people at my future job, future neighbors, and so on. My wise choices will touch countless lives.

Change Is a Good Thing

In order to grow spiritually, to mature, some change will be needed. For example, the new freedoms you will have in college or when you move out will demand greater maturity, for now you will have to monitor and police yourself when no one is watching. Show God and those around you the authenticity of your faith, but walking in a way that acknowledges and honors Him.

I Will Have More Time in Some Stages

It may not seem like it, but the truth is that as you move from one stage to another, you will have more time that is under your personal control. After you leave home no one will tell you when to get up or go to bed, you will make all those decisions. More time that is under your personal control means more responsibility to use it wisely (Ephesians 5:16). This means more time to read those books that you've always wanted to read or write and prepare material you may have seen a definite need for years ago. It would equally mean being more available to serve others and be far more involved in the local congregation, “Who has worked hard in the Lord” (Romans 16:12).

I Will Have Many New Freedoms

This is especially true when the children have grown – a great time of adventure, growth and productivity. Actually, all the factors are present for success: 1. We often still have health. 2. We have more wisdom. 3. We have decades of experience. 4. We have more time. 5. We often have a little more income.

Expect Relationships to Change

During each transition stage you will probably lose a few friendships and gain others. When you move from junior high to high school or high school to college often you will find that certain former friends will drift away or may not want to go with you into the next stage of life. Some friendships may wane because you are growing, but they are not and people who do not grow can cease to be interesting. I found that when I married that this put me into the young married category and automatically put me into contact with other young married couples. Then the children came along and friendships were formed with other couples who had young children. Then they grow into teenagers and there was a common link with other parents with teens. Expect friendships to change again when the kids leave. In addition, we may have more in common with a new set of friends after a mate dies.

Be cultivating new friendships

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24) (KJV). This does not mean that we forsake former friends (Proverbs 27:10). What it does mean is that we are to be friendly people who are constantly involved and are flexible when it comes to adding new people into our circle of friends. Here is what I have learned thus far: New people need to be added to your circle of friends because that circle will grow smaller at times. Some friends will move away or you will move away from them. Some will change for the worse and that friendship will dissolve. Some will die. Others will be friends who are more tied to the circumstances you are in (like friendships with teens, friends in a neighborhood, friends at work, etc). Be skilled at making and enjoying new friends. As previously noted, the past was not all good, each season of life has or had it challenges. Yet each season equally has new blessings.

Mark Dunagan | Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net