Anger

Mark Dunagan
05/15/11 - Sunday Morning

Anger

The other day I was on a Christian book website looking for books on the topic of anger. I was overwhelmed. They had page after page of books dealing with the subject. I didn't even know where to start. I typed into the word "anger" on Amazon.com in the book section and it came up with 6616 results. It goes without saying that anger has been, and still is, an immense struggle for many.

Clarification

When it comes to dealing with anger, I believe it is helpful to remind ourselves of the actual goal. The goal is not to completely remove the emotion of anger from our lives, for God Himself has the emotion. In fact, the Bible says He is, "A God who has indignation every day". One very familiar verse about anger tells us, "Be angry and sin not" (Ephesians 4:26).

The Difference

• God's Anger
  Controlled with purpose; Not with hatred, malice, or resentment; Not selfish; Is an expression of concern; To correct or curtail destructive behavior; Is an expression of care; Not expressed to destroy relationships; Directed toward injustice; Directed toward willful disobedience 
   
• Destructive Anger
  Uncontrolled, without patience; With hatred, malice, and resentment; Selfish; Is an expression of pride, revenge, or hate; No desire for the salvation of the individual; Is careless; Destroys relationships; Directed toward violations of self; Directed toward those who oppose me, my purposes, my agenda, my goals

The Bigger Problem

As one studies what the Bible says about anger, it becomes very clear that the emotion itself is never the problem. Like many emotions it is rather neutral. It can be used for good and constructive purposes or for selfish and evil purposes.

Is This Me?

• "I am entitled to what I want when I want it"
• "My time is most important, and I should not have to be inconvenienced by others"
• "I have a right to be impatient and rude when other people are being slow or dumb"
• "I am entitled to special privileges because I am who I am"
• "My family should know I care about them without my having to prove it every day"
• "I am a taxpayer. I own part of this road, and I have the right to drive as fast as I want"
• "I not only have the right to pursue happiness, I deserve to be happy, and I will do whatever it takes to achieve it"
• "I am entitled to cheat a little bit to get ahead. If I don't take advantage, someone else will, and then they will get a step ahead of me"
• "I really don't have a problem with anger, I can be really happy. The problem is that other people are not meeting my needs and expectations"
• "I am too busy to mince around with false politeness. I should be able to tell people exactly what I think without having to worry about their feelings"
• "I deserve the newest, the biggest, the best, and the most. It is my right"
• "I am going to die one day, so I may as well as get as much as I can right now"
• "So what if I am being rude. I never have to see this person again, so what difference does it make?"
• "My emergencies take precedence over anyone else's emergencies"
• "The world is unfair and opportunities are limited, so I may as well get all I can while I can, regardless of who or what stands in my way"
• "I have a right to be angry - people have let me down, and I have been hurt"
• "If life and people would just cooperate with me - then I would be happy"

The more I study the above excuses, I see that anger is not the problem. The real problem is a mindset that often fuels, misplaces or misuses anger.

Short-Term Thinking/Impatience

Often, in the Proverbs, anger is linked with someone who is said to be impatient, in a hurry, or lacks long-range thinking. Anger is harder to control when one lacks long-range thinking, or simply, "wisdom". If I cannot wait, if I have to have something now, if I am not willing to listen to an explanation, if I don't want to take the time to learn or understand more about the situation, and if I don't really want to consider anyone else but myself at the given moment, then I will likely react in a foolish way. Remember: A quick angry response can ruin my future.

• "A quick-tempered man acts foolishly" (Proverbs 14:17). Determine to have a long fuse.
• "He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly" (14:29). Determine to use your life to exalt wisdom rather than folly.

In great contrast, "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression" (19:11). A wise man considers many other factors, including others, forgiveness, eternity, and what would glorify God. On a practical level, this certainly means that on a daily basis, there are things far more important than:

• Standstill traffic.
• The little inconveniences that are making my life or job a little harder.
• The slow salesperson.
• The high price of gas.

What Prevents And Dissipates anger?

• Kindness
• Wisdom
• Spiritual Maturity
• Patience, gentleness
• Unselfishness
• Humility
• Forgiveness

• "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
• "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger pacifies contention" (15:8).
• "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression" (29:22).

There is a point, if I am struggling with serious and repeated anger issues, then I need to honestly ask myself, "Do I like the way I am living?" "Why do I keep escalating drama in my life?" "Is there an element of drama, conflict, strife, turmoil and stressful situations that I enjoy?" "Do I want to risk alienating everyone from me?" "Do I really want to undermine my relationships?"

Is Anger Covering Anything?

• "The foolishness of man subverts his way, and his heart rages against the Lord" (Proverbs 19:3).

Foolishness will ruin our lives. The person who has been making foolish choices will inevitably end up in some sort of misery. There eventually will be unpleasant consequences - some of them life changing and unalterable. Yet instead of being angry with themselves when the misery arrives, the foolish one will often take out their anger on others, or will aim their anger toward God, the very One that gave them every incentive to be wise. A person can go through life blaming all sorts of people and circumstances as to why they are not presently succeeding in a particular area. They can be angry at parents, at the world, at the government, at a former job or boss, at their mate, at their in-laws, etc. - or, they can be angry at God, and say things like, "I could use some help down here", "I am have praying to you and nothing is happening", "Why can't you give me a break - you give them to everyone else", "You know I am trying to get stuff done down here-could you just cut me some slack"? It is a lot easier getting angry at everyone else or life in general, rather than accepting responsibility for our own choices. A good deal of honesty - can solve many angry issues.

Don't Panic - You've Seen This Before

I am amazed by the life of Joseph. He does the noble and right thing and is sold into slavery. He works hard, is responsible, and ends up in prison. He is kind, thinks about others, helps them with their problems and for quite some time ends up forgotten. Yet when do we see Joseph angry? Joseph could come to terms with all that happened to him because he saw the bigger picture (Genesis 50:20) - and he saw it not just at the end of his life. It is great to be a Christian, because for starters, we already know how everything is going to work out. I will reap the benefits of my efforts, all my hard work will in the end pay off (1 Corinthians 15:58), and no matter how bleak things may at times look, God is in control. In addition, I have lived long enough to see that whatever setbacks happen today, they are only temporary. I have seen cars breakdown before, bad news in the paper, high gas prices, people fall away, tight times economically, misunderstandings between friends, flat spots in relationships, challenges in parenting and so on. And you know what? None of that killed me in the past, and many good things can came from most of those situations. Why panic? Why despair? Why get angry when there are so many blessings to be enjoyed right now and in the future? Don't waste your life being angry. Choose gratitude and joy. This will draw others to you and your God.

Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net