Mothers - 2012

Mark Dunagan
05/13/12 - Sunday Morning

Mothers

Both men and women need to be taught how to be good parents (Titus 2:3-5).  As Christians we have the wonderful opportunity to help people in the world who are struggling with parenthood, and plenty are, for many young parents did not have a good role model of parenting when they were growing up and thus have no clear path to follow.  We can show them.

Mothers Worry

Mothers worry about all sorts of things. One writer noted a mother who was “worried sick her little girl is going to end up a brat or die young or be disliked or be too impulsive or have addictive tendencies or never develop self-control”  (A Mother’s Worries, Amy Henry, Worldmag.com).  We can equally disproportionately fret about everything from food preservatives, white sugar, mean kids, their fingers getting caught in the car door, touching something hot, catching the latest flu bug and inexplicable fevers.  I like how God helps us with our fears. 

• He first wants to hear every one of them: 1 Peter 5:7
• Secondly, He asks us to trade all lesser fears for what really matters.  He wants us to come to Him and refinance or restructure our worry debt.  If we trust Him, all our fears can be reduced into one simple “payment”, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). 
• That is, our one overriding concern in parenting is seeking to help our kids make it to heaven.  If they make it to heaven, then it does not really matter what else happened or did not happen to them, and if they don’t make it, then all the other stuff that we sought to protect them from—was all for naught. 

A Mother’s Love

Being a mother has never been easy, especially when the mother is dealing not only with Satan, that roaring lion who is after her children (1 Peter 5:8), but also all the human expectations that our society tends to place on mothers.  Do we have our children in all the right classes at the right ages, how did our kid’s birthday party measure up to the other parties?  All these rules and countless others are all in constant flux.  Once again, the Bible is our liberator.  There are two basic areas that will demand your focus. 

• Love your husband: Titus 2:4

If your kids don’t clearly see this, then everything you are doing isn’t going to make much of a difference.  Love that dad, speak respectfully and kindly of him, back him up, and stand together as the team you were designed to be (Genesis 2:18).  Ayelet Waldman received flack in 2005 over her New York Times essay, ‘Truly, Madly, Guiltily”.  She stated that she loved her husband more than her children.  That she loved them, but wasn’t ‘in love’ with them.  The people who really got on her case, were other moms.  I did not read all the article, but she was right about one thing, there is a difference in the love one has for one's mate and the love one has for one's children.  Be “in love” with you husband.  Kindle your romance. The security of knowing the stability of a warm and solid marriage will benefit your child immensely. It creates a burden for the child when the child realizes that a parent is “in love” with them, that is, has all their hopes and dreams wrapped up only in that child. 

• Love your children: Titus 2:4

What wisdom was demonstrated when God created the human family to be composed of a union between a man and a woman—that God selected the female to be the mother and the male to be the father.  Women can have an abundance of wisdom about really practical things, such as relationships.  I am reminded that it was the mother of King Lemuel who gave the excellent advice about sexual fidelity (Proverbs 31:3), the dangers of alcohol (31:4-7), having the courage of speak up when justice is on the line (31:8-9), and the type of woman and a king (and all other men) needs to marry (31:10ff).

To the young, unmarried Christian woman. Do you want to be able to enjoy mothering your children in a peaceful, joy-filled home? Do you want your children to look back upon their childhood with warm, fond memories? Then don't even date a man who:

• Physically abuses you (hitting, slapping, pushing, shoving, etc…)
• Making excuses for abuse “I was drunk”, “I  Can’t control my temper”, “I was joking”.
• Makes you feel unworthy, inadequate, or crazy.
• Twists the truth to make you feel guilty for their own actions.
• Threatens to harm you or harm themselves if you leave the relationship.
• Demands to know where you are at all times.
• Falsely accuses you of flirting or looking desirously at others.
• Becomes jealous when you want to spend time with friends or family.
• Pressures you to have sex, or engage in lascivious acts.
• Tells you they would not abuse you if you were change.
• Tells you what you do is never good enough— constant criticism.
• Their emotion for you runs from hot to cold, and is used to manipulate you.
• Makes you nervous so that you have to tiptoe around him to avoid his wrath.
• Treats you as a servant rather than the love of his life.
• Calls you degrading names.
• Insists you drink or do drugs with them.
• Does things to scare you as a means of punishing you—hits walls, drives dangerously.
• Keeps money from you; keeps you in debt; has money secrets.
• Breaks things when he is angry— including your things.
• Keeps you from getting ahead, going to school, getting a job; wants to keep you dependent on them for everything.
• Uses you as a kind of temporary stop-over as they are waiting for the next relationship.
• Acts one way in front of others, and another in front of you.
• They spend money on you and then expect sexual favors in return.

Healthy Relationships

• They honor and respect you in both deeds and words: 1 Peter 3:7
• They seek to understand your needs, thus they listen carefully.
• They are joyful to be with you:  Ecclesiastes 9:9
• They sacrifice for you and protect you: Ephesians 5:25
• They bringing out the best in you and help you move closer to spiritual people and God. Nourishing a relationship in which you can grow and thrive. 5:29
• They have your back. Genesis 2:18
• They do you good. Proverbs 31:12
• You fully trust them. Proverbs 31:11
• They value the truth, especially the truth about their own short-comings.
• They are not suspicious. 1 Corinthians 13:7
• They acknowledge responsibility for themselves, and admit their own mistakes.
• Together you search for win-win solutions, and do things that each of you enjoy.
• They fairly share the work load.
• They disagree with you without threats or name-calling.
• They giving genuine compliments, not selfishly expecting something in return.
• They help without keeping score.
• They encourage your success in those things that are meaningful and important to you.  They do not ridicule your goals or dreams.

Honoring Your Mother as An Adult at Home

• Turning 18 does not exempt one from the rules and responsibilities of the family.  Mom and Dad are still expected to follow the rules and pitch in, so is everyone else in the house, no matter the age.
• Parents should never feel like they are strangers in their own homes and should never feel uncomfortable in their own homes. Add to the joy and peace of your home.
• Verbal disrespect is never tolerated, “honor” is an ageless principle.(Eph. 6:1-2).
• Submit joyfully to the rule of God in your household (Joshua 24:15), and honor him. Be grateful for all the blessings that spring from being in a Christian home.
• Parents always have the right to speak the truth. Listen to your mother Prov. 31:1ff
• When possible,  help with the rent or other household expenses.
• Be grateful when your mother allows you to suffer for your foolish decisions, and does not constantly prevent consequences.  Consequences can be a good thing.  Thank God that He is allowing life to also parent you.

I would like to close this lesson by saying, “After all, don’t worry, things will just work out”, they will turn out okay—and yet we know that this is not always the case.  Teach them about God, inform them about the devil, give them everything you have, pray hard, reinforce them everywhere you can—and know that you are the best person qualified for this task.  God is with you in this! When you give it your all, God promises a "Well done good and faithful servant".

Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.com
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net