The Gentleman

Mark Dunagan
04/07/13 - Sunday Morning

The Gentleman

While I cannot find the word “gentleman” in my translation of the Bible, I do believe that I can find the Bible describing such a person. The word “gentleman” can mean a number of things.  First, it can mean a man from a noble family background.  Often it can mean someone who owns land and does not need to work at regular job, but is a person of independent means. According to various sources a “gentleman” is someone who:  is a civilized, educated, sensitive, and well-mannered man.  For this lesson, I am using the term “gentleman” as a man whose personal conduct conforms to a high standard, that is, God’s standard.

Not of Noble Birth?

Coming from a great family is a wonderful blessing and should never be taken for granted.  Yet, many of the early Christians came from horrible backgrounds (Ephesians 2:1-3), and yet by being converted to Christ they became part of the noblest family that exists on the earth.  That is, the family of God (1 Peter 1:23-25).  This family is the oldest family on the earth going all the way back to Abel (Hebrews 11:4), and including such individuals as Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Samuel, Joshua, King David and so on.

Psalm 15

I believe that the following Psalm contains a good working definition of what how a gentleman should behave.

• He who walks with integrity and works righteousness.
• He who speaks truth in his heart.
• He does not slander, nor does evil to his neighbor.
• In whose eyes a reprobate is despised.
• He honors those who fear the Lord.
• He swears to his own hurt, and does not change.
• He does not loan money at interest.
• He cannot be bribed.

A Man and Manners

We do live in a very casual society which is not only casual with God’s word, but equally casual with other important things as well.  In reading a book on being a gentleman I found the following advice useful:

• Be thinking ahead, think before you speak.
• Others and circumstances will put you into many awkward situations, so be ready.
• Allow others to finish their sentences no matter how brilliant your idea might be.
• Do not speak, even on the phone with your mouth full.
• If you begin a conversation then it is your job to bring it to a close as well.
• Even in the most heated discussion, a gentleman does not raise his voice.
• A gentleman does not use his cell phone when he is at a table with others.
• When it comes to accepting social invitations, a gentleman never waits for something better to come along.
• A gentleman gives direct answers, especially to controversial questions.
• A gentleman does not brag.
• A gentleman knows that the best kind of small talk consists of asking questions rather than talking about himself.
• A gentleman knows how to say “I am sorry” and how to accept an apology as well.
• A gentleman knows how to shake hands and is ready to do so.
• A gentleman knows how to listen.
• A gentleman knows the meaning the word “no”.  He does not press people after they say “no”, and he is able to give a firm “no” to any sinful or compromising offer.

Specific Applications

“A gentleman has definite beliefs and only argues over matters of life and death”

The above expression does not mean that we don’t talk about other things, but I believe that the key word is “argue”.  I like the stress on matters of life and death and for the Christian man this includes what will separate a person from God.  That is, I will be vocal, I will press my point when the souls of others are on the line or where people are in danger of believing false doctrine that will condemn them.  Paul told both the young preachers Timothy and Titus to avoid arguments that were completely unproductive:

• “Avoiding worldly and empty chatter” (1 Timothy 6:10; 2 Timothy 2:16).
• “But shun foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law; for they are unprofitable and worthless” (Titus 3:9).

“Be slow to judge a situation, make sure you have all the facts first”

Solomon earlier had noted this truth when he said, “Do not go out hastily to argue your case” (Proverbs 25:8); “The first to plead his case seems just, until another comes and examines him” (Proverbs 18:17).   See also James 1:21.  He is very careful when it comes to rumors and prefers to say something like, “I am not sure what the truth is about that, so I prefer to say nothing at the moment”.

A Well Balanced Man

• When we express sympathy, we know that we are not being expected to say something that will completely heal the pain of a grieving person.
• We know that we are not perfect.  We will at times forget the names of those we have previous met.  If we forget a name, we can admit our forgetfulness.
• At the same time, we must stand up for ourselves.  If a friend asks us to lie, we will firmly decline.  And there is no need to apologize for our moral choices.  We can simply say, “I cannot do that it would violate a very important code that I live by”.

Knowing How

• If we are receiving poor service at a restaurant, a gentleman knows how to lodge his complaint as well as how to determine the person with whom it should be lodged.  When he is experiencing a frustrating situation he does not express his disapproval towards people who are not at fault. In fact, often he will say something like, “I know this is not your fault, can I talk to the manager please”.

A Real Concern for Others

“A gentleman knows that saying the right thing is not about being quick and clever.  Instead he has higher priorities.  A gentleman makes others feel better about themselves.  He wants life to run more smoothly not just for himself, but for the people he encounters in the normal course of life.  He wants to be part of the solution to life’s problems—especially the ones he has some small amount of control” (As A Gentleman Would Say, John Bridges and Bryan Curtis, p. xii).

• In other words, in many conversations and even awkward moments, there is often a chance to build another person up.  The Hebrew writer said, “let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24), and Paul said, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment” (Ephesians 4:29).  And Solomon said about such well-timed words, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances” (Proverbs 25:11).
• For example, one can be a victor in a sport’s contest and still be gracious.  We can say to the other team, “You guys played a great game”. If we must decline on a social engagement we can say, “I’m sorry I cannot make it, but I would love to get together, I hope you will let me have a rain check”. 
• When people are hurting, we cannot relieve the pain, but we can always tell them that we have been thinking about them and praying for them a lot.

Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.com
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net