Words of Love

Mark Dunagan
10/12/14 - Sunday Morning

Words of Love

Marriage has been aptly described  "as a display of Christ’s covenant-keeping love for the church... a vision of Jesus' unswerving allegiance to and affection for His bride." There are beautiful words God has chosen to use in reference to this most symbolic of relationships. Here are just a few:

Nourish: Ephesians 5:29

Nourish means to cherish, to rear up to maturity and “may point to the careful, continued nourishing from one stage to another, nourishing up to maturity” (Gr. Ex. N.T. p. 371). Proverbs 5:18 the little word “Let” is the beautiful language of freewill. “Be blessed”: The wise husband uses his words to make it clear that his wife is more than a rich blessing in his life, she is one of the best things that every happened to him. He treats her in accordance with her pricelessness. The wise husband and wife wouldn't think of looking elsewhere, but realizes the incalculable blessing of having someone who loves and cares already at home. Thus we should not be surprised that marriages do not run smoothly when:

• There is frequent criticism.
• Disregarding the words and ideas of each other.
• One or both does not assume a fair share of household responsibilities.
• One acts superior to the other.
• One shows preference to his or her friends over one's mate.
• One or both do not go out of the way to add romance to the relationship.
• One only helps when they selfishly are wanting a favor in return.

Cherish:  Ephesians 5:29

This lovely word “Primarily it means to warm then to foster with tender care” (Robertson, p. 546). “To care for originally meant to keep warm and comfortable” (Boles, p. 318). Here are some practical ways in which I can continue to nourish and cherish my mate:

• I make her feel good about herself  and really listen when they speak and do not ridicule their dreams or goals.
• I praise and compliment her, especially in front of others.
• I smile when I see her and express joy and pride when I introduce my mate to others.
• I attempt to live a faithful Christian life and interject spiritual conversations into our relationship. I seek to meet her spiritual needs as well as other needs, living in such a way that she doesn't have to worry about my relationship with God or my eternal fate.
• I trust her with making decisions and encourage her to develop to her full potential.

Cleave: Ephesians 5:31

To cleave, of course, means to glue to. I am to be loyal to my mate just as I was loyal to the wonderful parents and family in which I was born.  This person is now the most important human being in my life — and I show it. I would rather be with them then with anyone else and there is absolutely nothing life can throw our direction that could possibly dissolve the bond we share.

Honor: 1 Peter 3:7

“And grant her honor”: Show and pay her honor. The tense is present active, and could read “keep on honoring her” and the word “honor” means to esteem, value and treat with respect. This honor would include kind and affirming words both privately and in public, and high priority in choices regarding the use of one’s time and money” (Grudem, p. 143). “In an understanding way”: “According to knowledge” (ASV).  “Should live considerately with their wives” (TCNT). 

• Every wife is unique, and a husband's job is to become an expert at understanding what makes YOUR wife tick and to use that information for her own good.
• You married your wife because you thought her bright. Do yourself a favor and ask her opinion frequently. Be communicative and unguarded when she gives good advice.
• Seek to get rid of habits that are annoying, for my wife and yours are far more important than any habit. Don't be overly sensitive or defensive when she helps you become all you can be. She's on your side.
• Write her letters or little notes now and then.
• Tell  her how proud you are to be with her.
• Prefer her company over all others.
• Take note of all she does for both you and your family.
• Take the time to ask your wife about her desires, goals, dreams and needs.

Protect and Sacrifice

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself up for it”. This love is intelligent, purposeful, self-sacrificing, loyal and noble. “Someone then asks, ‘Why doesn't Paul say that wives should love their husbands like that?’ Paul did say that. He said it when he instructed them to be in subjection to their husbands. Her obedience, freely and willingly given, is the greatest evidence of her love for him. The woman who will not submit to her husband loves neither him nor the Lord” (Caldwell, p. 271). Stott points out that "submission" and "love" are two aspects of the very same thing, namely, that selfless self-giving which is the foundation of an enduring and growing marriage (p. 235). I know what she fears and seek to do what I can to make our home a safe and happy place. Even more importantly, I protect her spiritually.

Help Meet: Genesis 2:18

“A helper fit for him, literally, ‘a help as opposite him’, i.e. corresponding to him” (Kidner, p. 65). “The verb behind this word means ‘succor’, ‘save from danger’. The woman in Genesis 2 delivers or saves man from his solitude” (Hamilton, p. 176).  “For him”:  “As agreeing to him or his counterpart.  She is the kind of help man needs, agreeing with him mentally, physically, spiritually. She is not an inferior being” (Leupold, p. 130).

• I do not make any major plans without consulting my spouse first.
• I treat her as what she indeed is: my intellectual and spiritual equal.

Desire: Proverbs 5:19

The word “exhilarated”, can also mean to “go astray”, “be lost”, describe the effects of strong drink, hence could be rendered, “be lost in her love”, “be enraptured with her love”, “be intoxicated by her love”. Note that the word "be" infers a choice that one makes. When people claim that they have “fallen out of love”, the truth is that they chose to fall. The verse also stresses that God has already provided for us all the possibilities of love and enjoyment at home.

• I realize that I have a responsibility to create romance in the relationship.
• So I call them now and then throughout the day, set up dates, buy something that they like, remember special dates and occasions, and hold their hand in public.
• When I am with them I do not notice anyone else of the opposite gender.
• I give them no cause to be jealous.
• I tell them how handsome or beautiful they are.

Loving my mate even as myself: Ephesians 5:28

“The giving of oneself to anybody is a recognition of the worth of the other self. For if I give myself up, it can only be because I value the other person so highly that I want to sacrifice myself for his or her self. Now to lose oneself that the other may find his or her self — that is the essence of the gospel of Christ” (Stott, p. 236). 

•  I do little things around the house without being asked.
• I call my spouse if I am going to be late.
• I am sympathetic and helpful when my mate is sick.
• I give him or her special time to be alone with friends.
• We plan our future together. I do not have a future independent of my mate.

Dangerous Words

Anger, Jealousy, Bitterness and Selfishness will undermine any relationship. Let's choose instead to have deeply fulfilling, God-honoring, love-filled marriages.

Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.net
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net