Sunday Sermons
Finding Rebekah
Finding Rebekah
The fact that the first record in scripture of someone asking for the Lord's guidance is in reference to finding a wife (Genesis 24:12), says something about the spiritual significance of such a decision. In the 25th chapter of Genesis, Abraham has sent his trusted servant back to the homeland in the hopes of finding a wife for his forty-year old son, Isaac. While this may sound strange to us in our present culture, let's not forget that for most of human history, parents made the call concerning who their children married. Of course, I am not advocating a return to this system, but I do believe that it is quite helpful to seek to understand why people in the past may have done things differently than our generation usually does them. What was the reasoning behind the arranged marriage system?
The Reasoning
Marriage was about family. It was about the future of one's family, clan, or tribe—it affected the outlook of one's people and nation. It was viewed as so much more than just the couple’s feelings at the moment. “Who you married was considered way too important a decision to leave up to a couple of amorous, emotionally incontinent lovers” (Loveology, John Mark Comer p. 145).
Some History
“It wasn’t until the 19th century that culture made the shift to ‘calling’. The woman usually started the process. She would let a man know she was interested, and then he would get the permission from her father and come calling on her. The couple would spend time in the woman’s home—in the parlor or on the front porch. Nothing was done in secret. The relationship was on display. Public. Out in the open. The family was still involved, but it gave more freedom to the man and woman to pick and choose. Early in the 20th century, people started ‘dating’. As the West urbanized, there were no parlors or front porches, so the couple would go out on the town. With the birth of the entertainment culture, dating spread up the socioeconomic ladder and into the culture at large. I think we are actually past dating in a new form of romance. Now couples start with sex. What used to come at the end of a romantic relationship, as the sought-after prize once a couple crossed the finish line into marriage, now comes at the beginning of a relationship. A man and woman meet—at a party or bar or nightclub, at work, on a trip—and they sleep together. Instant gratification. Then if they feel like they are fit and want to start a relationship, fine. If not, they move on” (Comer p. 146).
What is Involved?
How true that marriage is about a lot more than marriage. “After the decision to follow Jesus, I would argue the most important decision you will make is who you marry. That decision will shape your life. Your children, family, where you live or don’t live, what you succeed at and fail at, your future—all of these things hinge on who you marry. A bad decision can cripple you for life. And a good one can unleash a whole new world. A lot’s at stake” (Comer p. 149). Before Abraham sent his trusted servant to find a wife for Isaac, Abraham was adamant. He made his servant take a solemn oath and swear by the God of Heaven, that he would never take for Isaac a wife from the Canaanites (Genesis 24:3). Abraham knew what marriage was about. He knew the long term impact. Sadly, only one generation later it would be a son of Isaac that would ignore such wisdom and not only move him away from God and bring much grief to his parents (Genesis 26:35), but also created a people who would eventually become the very enemies of God’s people.
Long ago God warned that a marriage can turn one's heart away from Him (Deuteronomy 7:1-4). On the positive side, a good, spiritually focused marriage can, in the end, make all the difference in your life (Proverbs 31:12) and be one major reason behind what you accomplish in life (Proverbs 31:23).
The Long Range View
During the time of Ezra and Nehemiah, various Jewish men had married pagan women (Ezra 9:1; Nehemiah 13:23). Both Ezra and Nehemiah were shocked by this lack of good sense—as if the men were completely blind to the significance of the fact that their children (the next generation) could speak fluently the language of the unbelieving mother but could not understand or speak in Hebrew, the language of their father, which was the language of the sacred Scriptures (Nehemiah 13:24). Likewise, in Genesis chapter 24, a lot is at stake. Toward the end of Abraham’s life, Isaac is still single. Abraham needs to become a great nation, and right now he is a widower and the promised son is not even married. We are spiritual descendants of Abraham, and much also rides upon who we choose as a future mate. Things like our own future spiritual strength and growth, the future of this or another congregation, the spiritual futures of our children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. The eternities of those we love best.
Finding the One
While there's no passage that indicates there to be only one specific person on the planet whom God wants you or I to marry, yet a very good case could be made for many of us, that God providentially brought about the unlikely meeting of them and their future mate. “I also believe that God is a romantic. I believe God’s involved in your life to the degree that you open up your story to His authorship” (Comer p. 150). God is involved in your and my life—but to benefit, I must be willing to hand over the script of my life to Him for editing and rewrites. I definitely believe that we can make a Scriptural case for the fact that God wants to be involved in our lives and in our futures—but we make the final choice:
- “See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity…So choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:15,19).
- “How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling” (Matthew 23:37).
In addition, all of us could tell stories of the people that we have known in the past that were handed on a golden platter the chance to be saved, to get out of a miserable, self-centered life or the chance to marry a great guy or girl—and have passed. I have also seen people pass up wonderful opportunities to get to know faithful members of the opposite sex because they were too busy doing other, less significant things. Solomon noted that an excellent wife is the crown of her husband (Proverbs 12:4)—if you are single, you need to be perceptive enough to recognize the worthy woman (or man) when they arrive.
Character Revealed
Note that the first thing that Abraham's servant does is go to his all-powerful God in prayer. He may have learned this from observing the example of Abraham. How will this servant know which girl is the right girl for Isaac? It is one thing to pick out a wife for oneself, it is quite another to select one for one's master's son. This servant was certainly not asking God for something spectacular to show him the best choice, but rather for simple clues which would reveal the character of the girl, like diligence, for starters. In view of the fact that camels can drink about twenty-five gallons of water at one time, and there were ten of them, diligence is certainly one good quality seen in Rebekah. “Any young woman who would volunteer such a demanding service would be demonstrating a spirit of genuine friendliness and willingness to serve” (Aalders p. 63). “The hospitality of the day required women at the well to offer water to weary travelers, but not to the animals. The servant was simply asking God to show him a woman with an attitude of service—someone who would go beyond the expected” (Life Application Study Bible, p. 44) and God certainly answered this prayer.
Snag Her
The servant was not afraid of testing the woman or of running her off. He realized that marriage is for life and therefore calls for courage and boldness. Likewise, if you see someone whole-heartedly seeking God, who joyfully serves others as if unto the Lord from the motive of love, who respects herself, is honest, loves learning things of eternal significance and makes the sacrifices necessary to be a spiritual encouragement to others, snag her. She'll do you good all the days of your life.
Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.net
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net
