What is Love?

Mark Dunagan
07/05/15 - Sunday Morning

What is Love?

What a great analogy John Mark Comer uses when he equates the English word “love” as now a kind of junk drawer we put all sorts of ideas into just because we don’t have anywhere else to put them (Loveology, p. 31). The word “love” is used to cover everything from “I love this salad” to “I love my wife”. With a range so broad, we lose sight of the depth and holiness of the word.

Modern Definition: Love is Tolerance

Especially in an urban area like Portland, Oregon, "tolerance" is often what people think of when they think of love. By tolerance, they mean, not an acceptance of preferences and differences of a morally neutral nature about which the Creator has said nothing, but a tolerance of not saying anything negative about another's behavior, and never calling out anything or anyone as being wrong. The common argument is that since there is no God and the Bible is not therefore of God, if a behavior condemned in scripture does not appear to be hurting anyone, then, "who are we to judge?” To many people, this all seems the epitome of being sophisticated, progressive and loving. Yet, what could be further from genuine love, considering these truths?:

• Wrong behavior always hurts people spiritually (Isaiah 59:1-2), even innocent third parties, such as children, are often made to suffer and stumble because of the sins of others (Matthew 18:7). The ripple effects of sin are devastating.
• Wrong behavior such as dishonesty, unkindness, and lack of self-control, ruins relationships. Infidelity is a big deal, that's why the Holy Spirit warned the Christian men in Corinth that fornication with a harlot was not a merely bodily act – but it establishes relational ties (1 Corinthians 6:16). Observe the downward spiral of Romans 1:18ff and how the relationships were impacted of those denying God, and you'll see the social chaos surrounding us today.  
• Wrong behavior always adversely affects us mentally. Passage after passage asserts that sin will dull our ability to think clearly (Romans 1:28; Ephesians 4:17-19; 2 Timothy 2:24-26; Luke 15:17). "How could he or she do that?!!" is natural response to reading today's headlines. Answer: Sin will make us crazy.
• The world thinks that the opposite of love is hate, yet that is not entirely true. A person who truly loves will also truly hate anything that would harm the object of their love. That's why good mothers are protective of their children, husbands and wives of each other, and God rightly hates those things that corrupt the people He created and loves (Proverbs 6:16). The opposite of love is, more often, apathy.
• Wrong behavior always impacts us economically, as well. How prosperous would our country be if just the sins of fornication, drunkenness and dishonesty were discontinued? Just look at the cost to society of such things as drug addiction, alcoholism, STD's, unwed mothers, broken families, Wall Street greed, and political corruption. Go to a Third World Country, one far removed from the influences of biblical values and try to do business there – and you will soon see the price tag of selfish behavior. 

Popular Definition: Love is a Passionate Emotion

Often people feel they are in love because someone else makes them feel alive or happy. It is something that sort of overtakes or “happens” to you, thus the phrase, “falling in love”. Yet there can be a dangerous side to "all emotion based" love. One can just as quickly fall out of this emotion. If this happens while dating, one can break up, but if one is married – there are far bigger problems and consequences. So what does the Bible say of such unfiltered emotion? The Holy Spirit speaks of non-Christians as following the desires of the flesh and mind (Ephesians 2:3), or following the desires of the Gentiles (1 Peter 4:3) and the chaos that ensues with an “if it feels good do it” mentality is incredibly painful. “How can it be wrong when it feels so right" (at the moment) is incredibly immature and short-sighted way to measure the quality of a relationship. As prevalent as this hedonistic mindset is, it is no wonder that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. When the vast majority of people feel love is purely an emotion, no wonder they move from marriage to marriage when the feelings fade, when things seem old and stale and when the newness wears off.

More Than a Feeling

Clearly, real love does include passionate emotion, for when God sent His Son to die for our sins there was an unfathomable depth of feeling for us (John 3:16). Yet this example and others teaches us that love is far more than deep feelings, it is deep feelings paired with godly, unselfish, sacrificial and mature action. “And this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and set His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). In other words, Jesus suffering on the cross for our sins is the very definition of love. The Holy Spirit exhorts husbands to practice the same type of love in their marriages when He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Moving Away From Mere Feelings

• Powerful emotions cannot keep a marriage together, and one cannot build a marriage or any genuine relationship on feelings of affection alone.  Feelings are unpredictable, they can be liars and they can be quite flaky (Proverbs 16:25). In addition, powerful emotions can initially work for you in a relationship, but they can equally and quickly work against you. Your married life will include decades of highs such as our wedding day, the births of our children, successes in our careers, milestone anniversaries, but also lows including career and financial challenges, parenting issues, unemployment, suffering, death of loved ones, sickness and health issues. If you have ever wondered how couples that made such wonderful and passionate vows to each other can end up years later hating one another to the point that they cannot even speak to one another, the answer is that one mere emotion was simply replaced by another mere emotion and at least one person in the marriage did not cling in loyalty during challenging times.
• No matter how beautiful or handsome another person might be at the present, time will take the toll on the physical appearance – of both of you (Proverbs 31:30 “Beauty is vain”). Marry primarily for the beauty that does not fade with age.
• No matter how amazing you are – or the other person, everyone has sins (Romans 3:23) and flaws, and marriage quickly brings out these flaws. Instead of expecting perfection, we'd do better to humbly allow our marriage partner to help us polish our own character.

Genuine Love	Mere Feeling Love
In the driver’s seat.	A mere passive passenger.
There is something I must do.	I expect others to do things for me.
Others centered.	Self-centered.
“What can I do for them?”	“What are you going to do for me?”
Not dependent upon feelings.	Very dependent on feelings – “I am not feeling it”.
Sees the big picture.	Caught up in the here and now.
“I will always be here for you”	“I will only be around as long as the feeling lasts”
Very patient:  1 Corinthians 13:4	Impatient/cannot wait.
A servant.	A tyrant.
Serving	Demanding

 

The Cross-Shaped Love

• I will always encourage you to follow God’s truth and will never lead you away from that goal: 1 Corinthians 13:6
• I will not stand by, say nothing, and allow you to self-destruct with a smile on my face: 1 Corinthians 13:6
• I will not laugh about, ignore, excuse or justify the presence of sin(s) in my own life: 1 Corinthians 13:6
• I will believe and hope the best about you – and encourage you to reach your potential: 1 Corinthians 13:7
• I will never quit or give up: 1 Corinthians 13:7
• I may become discouraged or sad at times, but never to the point of leaving:  1 Corinthians 13:7
• My commitment to you is not based on a flimsy foundation of feelings, mere physical attraction, or circumstances. I am here for the long haul: 1 Corinthians 13:7.
• I will treat you with respect, even like a guest, with my words. My anger or frustration will not be taken out upon you: 1 Corinthians 13:4
• I am not just waiting for you to do something that will make me angry so I can explode: 1 Corinthians 13:5
• I see my own faults too clearly to keep a running record of yours: 1 Corinthians 13:5
• I will never view you as a liability, even if you become very ill and I must care for you.
• The only side I am on – is God’s side, supporting you. I will not attempt to gain some kind of advantage in the relationship. I have no interest in “power”. I am here to love you and help you through life.

Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.net
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net