Dating and Marriage

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Mark Dunagan
08/06/17 - Sunday Morning

Dating and Marriage

Recently someone who was the only faithful sibling left in his family, was asked why he had remained faithful. What had made the difference? He said, “The person I married”. He, among all his siblings, had not underestimated the importance of marrying someone who would help him and his future children make it to heaven (1 Peter 3:7).

The List

Over the years I have talked to various single men and women and they have talked about the list of desired qualities they have mind when it comes to finding a mate.Of course, such a list always includes a number of personal preferences, but in this lesson we will explore some of the more spiritual considerations mentioned in scripture that characterize great marriage partners.

Diligence (Proverbs 12:24; 13:4). They do not try to get out of working or work as little as possible. They are not adverse to hard work. If they have a job that is not great, they make the best of it. A lazy person is never lazy in just one area of their lives (Romans 12:11; Colossians 3:17). They are far more than a talker, they are a definite doer of relevant things (James 1:22-25).
They serve. They are not constantly wanting to do only what they feel like doing, but instead often ask, “What can I do to help?” They do things that need to be done without being asked. They are self-starters. They are willing to open their schedules for serving others (Romans 12:13).
They are involved in the life of a local congregation, encouraging the weak, cheering the weary, teaching, praying, worshipping alongside and supporting God’s spiritual family.
Optimistic (Philippians 4:13). When things go wrong, do they find the silver lining, the benefit that can come from this setback or that? Do they see the big picture in life that when the physical does not deliver as expected, their joy is fixed on a happy eternity?
They are biblically literate and can conversational about spiritual realities. They do not suddenly become quiet when the conversation goes to a very deep level.
They read and are always learning. They are routinely seeking to improve themselves (Philippians 3:13-14). While not content to stay at their current level of spiritual growth, they do like who they are.
The take care of themselves. They are clean and practice good hygiene.
They take care of what they own. They make their bed in morning, clean up after themselves and do not trash their own room or living space.
They have self control when it comes to their temper, finances and personal purity.
They are wise or seeking to be wise about the use of their money, time, and other resources.
They are responsible. You can count of them. They return phone calls, texts and emails. They keep their word and promises. They are not a big question mark when it comes to whether or not they will do what they said. You can entrust important tasks to them (Proverbs 26:6).
They can control themselves on a date. They are not attempting to push the moral boundaries (1 Thessalonians 4:4).
They can love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). This is far different from sweet-talking or being romantic. They are kind in with their words. They are patient. They want you to have a strong relationship with God. They do not want to do anything that would lead you away from God. They are not a stumbling-block (Matthew 18:7).
They love God more than they love you and it shows in their priorities, commitments, what they say, and how they live. They take sin and doctrine seriously. They are not looking for a loophole around what Scripture says. They are not trying to convince you that grace will just automatically cover everything (Jude 4; Proverbs 14:9). When you are sick, they still attend the worship services.
They are honest. They are also honest about themselves including preventing their weaknesses to hurt your relationship. They might say something like, “I don’t think it is a good idea for us to be in this house all by ourselves”. Or, “This event is fun, but let’s leave in time for worship, so we don’t get in the habit of putting other things ahead of God”.
They are humble. They can admit when they are wrong. They see their own short-comings. They don’t try to make themselves look better by running other people down or by attempting to run you down.
They are unselfish. They notice other people, especially when others are hurting. They see the needs that are beyond their own. They genuinely want to know more about you rather than just talking about themselves.
They are faithful to God, and know why they believe (1 Peter 3:15). They are not afraid to talk about their faith and relationship with God.
They have endurance and steadfastness. They don’t quit or give up easily. If they don’t like their current job, they don’t just quit without first finding a better job and giving their proper notice.
They will correct you when you are in the wrong. They will stand up to you when you are not doing or saying what is right. They are not a rubber stamp, they do not just agree with everything you say.
They bring out the best in you.
They are not one who blames others for their failures and is constantly offering excuses for their poor choices and behavior. They admit when they have made an unwise choice and caution others to avoid doing the same. They might say something like, “I did not take my studies in High School seriously and know I am paying the price for that now”.
They treat you honorably both in private and public. You can say and do things that will keep things spiraling up or down in the relationship.
They are genuine, and consistently the same person in private and in public. They do not have two divergent personalities. They are not suddenly outgoing and nice and then mean and withdrawn. They do not put on a “Christian act” when other people are around and then take it off when alone with you.

The Successful Marriage

This is my short-list of the ingredients I have seen in Scripture and from life experience concerning a lasting and happy marriage.

Marry a faithful Christian. This is your team mate and fellow heir of the grace of life. Genesis 2:18. Do not be desperate to just find someone to marry because you don’t want to be alone. Being married to someone who is not spiritually compatible with you can be very lonely. One important reason is that there is a vast array of topics you cannot discuss together, including the spiritual things that make up the very core of your being. In addition, the most edifying things that you will do, including praising God, learning from His word, sharing the good news with others, and enjoying social times with other Christians will either be something that you cannot do at all together, or will be awkward at best. The wide and narrow way will become farther and farther apart as you age: Matthew 7:13-14. What I mean by this is that when you are young, the difference between a Christian and non-Christian may look like a rather narrow gulf. You might only be focusing on what you have in common as a couple. You like the same sports, movies, foods, hobbies, etc… But as you age the reality of how vast that gulf is becomes more and more apparent.
Love God more than them, and everything else is promised to fall beautifully into place: Matthew 6:33; Luke 14:26ff Continue to grow and mature as a Christian. If you don’t grow you will become dull to be around.
Treat them with the level of thoughtfulness you would if they were company? Like a brother or sister in Christ visiting your home: 1 Peter 3:7 Do not take them for granted. Continue to date.
Rather than focusing all your effort on changing your spouse, HONOR them (1 Peter 3:7), CHERISH AND NOURISH them (Ephesians 5: 29) then work on changing and improving the only person you can control: yourself.
Divorce is not an option (there is one exception, Matthew 19:9), so don’t even joke about it. Often divorce, rather than make things better, will introduce a entirely new collection of unanticipated challenges. It is quite often not the simple solution one envisions.
Fight the temptation of discontent with this reality: Are you sure you deserve better? Be humble and grateful that someone has chosen you above all others to spend their lives. Sorry, but the world was not filled with people knocking at your door to apply for the coveted position of meeting all your changing needs.

Mark Dunagan | mdunagan@frontier.net
Beaverton Church of Christ | 503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net