Sunday Sermons
Parenting Tips - Part 4
Parenting
Tips IV
What is Character?
“To understand what character is, we need to state first what it is not. Character is not a person’s temperament or personality. We believe temperament is inborn, serving as the foundation upon which personality is built. In contrast, character is the quality of craftsmanship that went into building the personality. Character is the combination of virtues embroidered on the moral fabric of a person’s life” (Growing Kids God’s Way p. 103). “Character” is simply the outward reflection of the inner man. As parents we must remember that our primary goal of parenting is the moral and spiritual development of our children (Ephesians 6:4 “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”; Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go”). Of course that “way” that he should go, in the book of Proverbs, is the way of wisdom. The verse infers that children cannot train themselves and neither are they born knowing which way to go. The word “train” carries the idea of “dedicate”, that is such training needs to be taken seriously and will demand our dedication.
What God Desires
“And you shall be to Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:6); “So that we may share His holiness” (Hebrews 12:10); “But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your behavior” (1 Peter 1:15); “You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession” (1 Peter 2:9). “For the New Testament saint, God wants our behavior to be distinctively different---not different simply for the sake of difference, but distinctively reflective of His character. The essential purpose of a holy lifestyle is that, by our behavior, we are to help define God to a world that does not know Him”(pp. 104,105). See Matthew 5:13-16. The purpose of moral or character training is so that our family and our children will magnify and glorify God to the world (1 Peter 2:9; Philippians 2:15). When a family is no longer what it ought to be, everything else that the church does is weakened. Moral training in the home is so important because the results of morally beautiful behavior are a compelling message to a lost world. “The quality of your character and that of your children is best exemplified by the presence or absence of three attributes: respect, honor, and honesty” (p. 106).
Teaching Respect for Authority
Although there are many different forms of authority (parents, civil government, the elders), all of them originate with God(Romans 13:1). We need to impress upon our children that “authority” is a good thing, for they will hear the exact opposite from the world.
· Without authority, there would be chaos, confusion, and destruction. Authority is necessary for our personal safety (health, food and traffic laws), it can protect our rights, our savings, our investments and it is necessary for consistency, dependability and order.
· “Not all rules are for health and safety concerns; some rules are for mutual and public benefit” (p. 109).
The Motivation To Instill
The reason that our children should desire to keep the laws of the land is because they realize that many of these laws are based on the principle of loving your neighbor as yourself, the principles of fair play and the preciousness of others. Our motivation for keeping a law should not be merely the fear of financial penalty. “Realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious” (1 Timothy 1:9). The idea is that law is not enacted for a naturally law-abiding man. “Posted fines and warnings are for the godless not the Christian. There are hundreds of laws that govern man’s behavior. Unfortunately, the more a society moves away from biblical morality and intrinsic motivation, the more dependent it becomes on controlling outward behavior by extrinsic means and more codes, more laws, more fines, and more punishment. What is the higher moral ground? It’s doing right out of a mutual respect for each other. When I yield to authority, I place value on you. I am indirectly acknowledging your preciousness by restraining my selfish motivations” (p. 109).
Our own Example
How do we respond to forms of authority in front of our children? Do we ignore speed limits, or signs that say, “Keep of the grass” or “No parking?” “When a warning notice comes home from school, do you criticize the teacher in front of your child for sending it?” (p. 109). How do we speak about the police officer or those in positions of civil authority? Are we teaching our children that they can pick and choose which laws to follow and which laws to ignore? The way that we respond to authority sets patterns that our children will follow. “Finally, keep in mind that our submission to authority is more than an act of outward compliance; it’s an attitude accepting that, by divine appointment, this person is placed over me. “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God” (1 Peter 2:13-15); “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves” (Romans 13:1-2). Often a bitter attitude towards authority is a bitter attitude towards God” (p. 110).
Respect for Parents
We can tend to underestimate the importance of honoring one’s father and mother. “Do not allow your children to mock your position as their guardian by their impulsive thoughts, words, and deeds. When they do, they also mock God” (p. 110). For God is the one who placed them in that position of authority, and God is the one who gave the command to obey and honor. Before a child is old enough to interact with other authority figures, remember that the first “governor” that they have encounter is you, the parent. God takes a very dim view of children who are allowed to mock their parents (Proverbs 30:17 “The eye that mocks a father and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it”. In Leviticus 20:7 we have the command to be holy, for God is holy. The first example of unholy behavior that is mentioned after this command is disrespect towards one’s parents (20:9). In addition, such an act is placed in the exact same context as adultery and homosexuality.
A Picture of Disrespect
A failure to honor and obey one’s parents would include: Disobeying, talking-back, refusing to accept correction, a haughty look, pretending not to hear, pleading ignorance to the obvious after being caught in a misdeed, doing something cute to get out of doing what was instructed, or doing something cute to avoid punishment, and constantly saying, “I forgot”. In this last instance, the problem is not only in the child’s claim in failing to remember the instruction, but in his failure to put any effort into learning the lesson. Sulking, pouting, and whining are other forms of disrespect. In addition, any disrespect that our children are developing towards other authority figures needs to be corrected.
An Adult Application:
The ramifications of failing to learn a healthy respect for authority are presently being suffered by our culture. Presently many people in our culture view the police as the bad guys, because of this the men and women in law enforcement are unable to perform their jobs and might be unable to protect us. Secondly, many children are growing up without learning any respect for authority figures, because the parents are always siding with the children against teachers, the police, and so on. Many of our modern movies and television programs routinely mock those in positions of authority because they are written and directed by adults who never learned to respect lawful authority. Each year this country is losing millions and billions of dollars, money that could be spent on medical cures and improving our living conditions, because people have no respect for authority. Each one of us is paying more money for health insurance, car insurance, and all other goods or services because many people have no respect for the laws of this land.
How will your children honor you?
“Love and devotion legitimize honor. This love is based on time, knowledge, experience, and appreciation for all that your parents have done for you and with you” (p. 117). Even in reference to parents who are not living an honorable life and who were not very good parents, “regardless of how bad life might have been in the past, you cannot speak evil of your parents, or slander them…they are at worst reduced to being your neighbor, whom you should love as yourself (Mark 12:31). What is missing, however, is the joy of honoring. What legacy will you leave your children? Will they honor you out of pure devotion or will it be a burdensome duty? Joyful honor must be the legacy every Christian parent passes on to their children. It does not matter what type of relationship you had with your own parents. The only question from this point forward is: What kind of relationship will you have with your children? God requires them to honor you, but you will determine if that honor comes out of duty or out of devotion by the way you parent them now. Do not rob them of the joy of honoring you” (p. 118).
Eventually our children will leave and cleave to another (Genesis 2:24), thus the command to obey will be replaced or superseded by a continuing honor. What we need to remember is that even before they leave home and start homes of their own our relationship with them is changing. As they move from childhood to their teen years they are still to obey us, but the goal is that they now obey us not simply because of our position of authority over them but because of the value of the relationship that we have cultivated with them. We are seeking to move them not from the power of our authority, but by the influence of our relationship with them.
Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net/mdunagan@easystreet.com
