Sunday Sermons
The Christian and Grief - Part 1
Even though the world is filled with many sorrows and everyday many on this planet are grieving, most people probably feel completely inept at handling grief or what to know do when another person is in the midst of suffering. We all need to prepare ourselves, because affliction and sorrow come to all. Grief is probably one of the most common realities of life (Job 5:7 “man is born for trouble”; 14:1; John 16:33 “ In the world you have tribulation”; Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to mourn”),and yet it terrifies most of us. It's time that we accept the fact that grief is a common occurrence, that grief can be beneficial, and that comforting the afflicted is an important part of being a Christian (Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep”).
God Understands Human Grieving
I think that sometimes people feel that the Bible is simply a book of high-sounding platitudes, instruction that sounds good if you are comfortable, but falls flat if you are really hurting. Yet when you actually read the Bible, you will find that this book is filled with examples of deep sorrow; suffering at such a level that most of us, even those of us who are hurting, have not ever experienced (Genesis 37:34-35; Leviticus 10:1-6; Ruth 1:4-5; 1Samuel 1:7,10,13; 2 Samuel 12:16-17; 18:33; Luke 7:12-13). When you realize that these were all real people, and this was real suffering, then you will understand that the Bible is in tune with your heartache. Concerning the Messiah, Isaiah said that He would, “Bind up the brokenhearted…comfort all who mourn” (61:1-2). The Bible is an excellent resource and help to the brokenhearted. A man who experienced more grief than most of us ever will, King David noted, “This is my comfort in my affliction, that Thy Word has revived thee… I have remembered Thine ordinances from of old, O Lord and comfort myself” (Psalm 119:50,52); “If Thy law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction” (119:92, 143). If we allow people to convince us that the Bible has very little to offer on this subject or during such a time of need, we are simply going to be making things needlessly more difficult upon ourselves.
The Common Stages In Grieving
We need to come to terms with the fact that the grieving process cannot be rushed. None of us find any pleasure in seeing people we loved overwhelmed with sorrow, but we must resist the temptation of trying to push them to instant recovery. There is nothing we can do or say, there is no verse or funeral lesson that can grant immunity from sorrow. People must be allowed to grieve (Genesis 37:34-35; 2 Samuel 12:17). It is significant to note that other cultures had lengthy periods of mourning(Genesis 50:3), and even professional mourners existed who, among other things, served to assist the family in venting their grief (Jeremiah 9:17). We are making a mistake when we quickly try to make everything better or act as if nothing had happened (Proverbs 25:20).
Stage One: Shock:
Some are able to express their emotions immediately following a tragic event. Others experience a feeling of numbness and display no tears or emotion. At times people might try to flee for refuge in a state of denial (1 Samuel 4:17-18).
Stage Two: Emotional Release:
During stage two one may experience pain so deep that one ends up crying ones eyes out. This is the type of sorrow that various Biblical writes mention. “My tears have been my food day and night” (Psalm 42:3); “I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief” (6:6-7); “I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched” (69:3). Sadly, I think our culture has perpetuated the myth that most forms of grief and sadness can be overcome with one good cry. Such is not the case. The Bible admonishes Christians to be available to those who need someone to grieve with (Romans 12:15).
Stage Three: Preoccupation With The Deceased:
Job said, “If I speak, my pain is not lessened”. Job is saying that nothing seems to bring him relief. Talking about it, getting it off his chest, or remaining silent-neither course of action removes the pain. We must accept the fact that even when the afflicted opens up and talks about their pain (something good), such talking will not remove all the pain. While the intensity of our grief will level off, there will always be a certain amount of pain in my life connected to past losses (Romans 9:1-3; 1 Timothy 1:13ff). God offers "comfort", but God does not offer a complete removal of the pain (John 16:33).
Stage Four: Physical Problems:
Grief and sorrow do take a toll on the physical body. Biblical writers mention common physical side effects of intense sorrow: 1. The inability to sleep (“I am continually tossing until dawn” Job 7:4; Psalm 102:7 “I lie awake”). Nighttime, instead of being a time of rest and peaceful sleep, becomes a time to be dreaded and feared. In contrast to the day, the nights seem endless and long. 2. Lack of physical strength, or the feeling that one is always exhausted (Proverbs 17:22 “a broken spirit dries up the bones”; Psalm 109:24). 3. Loss of appetite (Job 33:20; Psalm 102:4 “Indeed, I forget to eat my bread”). 4. A need for sighing(Lamentations 1:22 “For my groans are many”; Psalm 31:10). 5. Tightness in the throat, a choking feeling, with shortness of breath (Psalm 69:2).
Stage Five: Emotional Consequences:
· Feeling emotionally distant from people, that no one really cares or understands:
Those suffering in the Bible often talk about being forsaken by friends and acquaintances (2 Timothy 4:16). When overwhelmed by grief people may avoid us because our suffering makes them feel helpless, and it is a natural response to avoid pain. Many feel that they have enough pain in their own lives so that entering into the pain of another human being is the last thing they feel that they need in their life (Job 19:13-19; 16:2 “Sorry comforters are you all”; Psalm 69:20 “And I looked for sympathy, but there was none, And for comforters, but I found none”).
· Feelings of panic, the desire to just get away from it all:
This is especially true the longer the pain continues. When one is surrounded by grief it seems that there is no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel, and that things will never improve. Feelings of hopelessness, depression, desperation can creep in the longer the pain continues: Psalm 55:6 “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest…..I would hasten to go my place of refuge from the stormy wind and tempest”. Suffering is likened to waves that completely overwhelm(Psalm 69:1-2, 14-15).
· Anger towards God:
Someone has noted that anger is probably the easiest of all human emotions to express. Satan does not play fair, and neither does he leave us alone during periods of intense personal grief; instead he seeks to use that pain to draw us away from God. It is easy to blame God for the loss of a loved one or some other personal tragedy, but the Christian must always remember: 1. God did not bring sin, death, and suffering into this world (Romans 5:12). 2. In every trial, the grace of God is active (1 Corinthians 10:13; 2 Corinthians 12:9), and we deserve much worse than what has happened to us (Psalm 103:10). 3. Instead of blaming God, look for God's mercy and compassion. Where has God come through for you in this trial? Where could the trial have been worse? Where were you blessed? Was any kindness and compassion shown to you by others? (Psalm 10:14; 94:18; Jeremiah 9:24; Psalm 78:39 “Thus He remembered that they were but flesh”; Micah 7:7-8). The temptation we face is that we want God to fix the problem now, and the longer that the pain remains, the more the devil can start persuading us that God is insensitive to our needs and that we need to take matters in our own hands, for God cannot be trusted and or He does not care. One of the hardest things for a person to do when they are suffering is to wait and trust that God knows what He is doing. Job wanted to know "why" (Job 10:1-2) he was suffering. Jeremiah desired that those oppressing him would be destroyed immediately (Jeremiah 12:1-4). It is easy to become preoccupied with our pain when we are suffering (Job 6:2 “Oh that my vexation were actually weighed… For then it would be heavier than the sand of the seas”).
Applications
When suffering we need to be careful, because the pain we are experiencing can make us self-righteous. We can start feeling that God has made a big mistake. An older woman once told me, “I'm sorry, but when God took my husband, He made a mistake”. Job said something similar, “Therefore my words have been rash” (6:3), that is, the excessive nature of his sufferings had forced him to utter rash and violent words. We might be tempted to feel that our pain gives us the right to say some things are sinful, but God did not make any allowances for Job (40:1,8). One writer made the following comment: “We believe that if our hearts were known, we could be found innocent. It seems so reasonable. Our thoughts run along this course, ‘If you only understood the unbelievably tough decisions I am called to make every day, you would not hold me accountable to make any more. Indeed, if you truly understood how hard I've labored to make any godly and honoring decision, you would get off my back. Even more, if you only understood how much I've been hurt, neglected, and abused, you would know that God requires little (or next to nothing) from me’” (Bold Love. Dan Allender p. 70). The devil tries to convince us that since God did not prevent the tragic event from happening, that we no longer owe Him our obedience. Notice how God answered Jeremiah's complaint. God did not say, “Jeremiah, you are going through so much, take a break and simply concentrate upon our own pain”. In fact, God says the exact opposite (12:5), that is, things are going to get a lot worse. Then, God says something that we never seem to think about. If Jeremiah was so grieved concerning the sin among God's people, imagine how much grief God was enduring! Brethren, in our grief, let's not forget about God's grief (13:7; Luke 19:41-44). Our pain is always limited, but God sees all the pain, all the suffering, and all the heartache on a daily basis (Genesis 6:6-7). The inhabitants of Jerusalem were Jeremiah's brethren, but more importantly they were God's people!
