Sunday Sermons
Fellow Heirs
Concerning the relationship between husbands and wives Peter reminds husbands that their wife is a “fellow heir of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). A co-inheritor, “heirs equally with yourselves” (Mof). The expression “grace of life” means a sharer in God’s gracious gift of eternal life. Your wife stands on equal ground before God with yourself. She is a Christian, and God takes any mistreatment against her—very personally (Matthew 25:31ff; Acts 9:5). My goal as a Christian husband is to treat my wife in such a manner that when all of this is over and time is gone that she can say to me in heaven, “Thank you for being so supportive of my attempt to serve God while on earth.” In this lesson I want to focus upon some practical applications of what it means to be a fellow heir of the grace of life.
Couples are a team
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:6). Couples need to realize that what happens to one of them in reality will affect both of them (Ephesians 5:28). Husbands and wives at times make the mistake of thinking that they do not need each other. “Don’t say, ‘I’m going to live my life and let him live his’. There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another’ (The Power of a Praying Wife, Omartian, p. 31). Remember what the Holy Spirit said, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11). “But for all that, in the scheme of God, there is a mutual dependence between male and female. It is true that the male was the first phase of creation. But by the will of God, not only did the male need the female to complete the creation of Man; he needed her for the continued life of males and females. It was the prior choice of God that decided the role of each and not some inherent superiority of the male” (McGuiggan pp. 149-150).
In this together
The devil hates the oneness that God designed in marriage and will seek to undo it. “He gives us whatever we will fall for, whether it be low self-esteem, pride, the need to be right, miscommunication, or the bowing to our own selfish desires. He will tell you lies like, ‘Nothing will ever change’. ‘Your failures are irreparable’. “There’s no hope of reconciliation’. ‘You’d be happier with someone else’. He’ll tell you whatever you will believe, because he knows if he can get you to believe it, there is no future for our marriage. If you believe enough lies, your heart will eventually be hardened against God’s truth. In every broken marriage, there is at least one person whose heart is hard against God” (Omartian p. 18). Remember, Satan is the father of all lies, including all those lies that destroy or weaken marriages (John 8:44). Peter reminds of us of a truth that couples at times forget, problems in a marriage often will affect your relationship with God, “so that our prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). Notice that this interruption in communication with God results when a husband does not treat his wife with honor. We must have the resolve to say, “I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage”. “I will not stand by and watch my husband or wife be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed”. “I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us”. “I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices to erode what we are trying to build together”. John noted, “For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith” (1 John 5:4).
Praying for each other
Paul noted that we need to pray for other Christians, “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18). Yet all too often the “saint” that we neglect in our prayers is our mate. Omartian notes a very important first principle concerning praying for our mates: “First of all, let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband” (p. 13). Even when we pray for our mate, sadly our prayers can be selfish, such as, “Change him or her”, that is, change them into what suits me. Question, “Do you long to be right or do right?” “Do you long to give life rather than get even?” “Has praying for your mate become a last resort or something that you do every day?” Consider the following applications or benefits of praying for your mate:
· It is hard to stay angry and selfish when you are praying for them, prayer is a great weapon against bitterness (Colossians 3:19).
· It reminds you that you are indeed on the same side and have the same goals.
· It reminds you that you truly want this person to go to heaven.
· Prayer opens up the bigger picture of what your marriage could be if both of you were treating each other as a child of God. Prayer helps us return to objectively and see what we are doing to undermine a good relationship. In prayer we are continually reminded of our own shortcomings (Matthew 6:14-15), and if we desire forgiveness from God we must be willing to forgive.
I love the desire that David expressed in Psalm 19:12-13 “Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults, also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; let them not rule over me”. David realizes that he is not a perfect man! Apart from God’s revelation he is blind to a good number of sins. “He is aware of sin’s subtle nature and complexity” (Boice p. 174). Kidner notes, “Verse 12 recognizes that a fault may be hiddennot because it is too small to see, but because it is too characteristic to register” (p. 100). “In God’s law we see our true condition and crisis. Our rationalizations are exposed” (Williams p. 156).
· Prayer reminds us that we don’t have to leave our marriages to chance. “We can fight for them in prayer and not give up” (p. 20). Remember, in Ephesians 6:18 prayer is an offensive weapon in our battle against the spiritual forces of wickedness in high places. Those forces desire that every marriage would be filled with fights, emotionally disconnection, martial deadness, misery, and end in divorce. When nothing else seems to help at the moment, we can still carry on a battle against evil in our prayers, “always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God” (Colossians 4:12).
· Prayer is a tremendous ally against self-pity, for in prayer one is reminded of all the blessings for which we need to be grateful, “Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2).
· Your own attitude can change drastically when you realize that your mate is praying for you.
Praying together
There are many practical benefits when husbands and wives pray together. First, it cannot but help draw you closer together. It is comforting to hear your mate pray for you, for you know that they are pulling for you and always have your best interest in mind. It builds mutual trust, love, and respect. It enables you to sleep better at night and face the challenges of the next day. It helps you overcome trials together and the challenges of raising children. If you are truly fellow heirs then there are times when it certainly would make sense for fellow heirs to pray together. It is a simple but very important reminder that you are both children of God, that you both have the same goals and dreams, and that both of you want to make this marriage into the best it can be.
The gift
“One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness. The most effective tool in transforming him may be your own transformation” (p. 27). The other words, one of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is your own spiritual faithfulness to God. Your own personal example can be very powerful in helping your mate be what they can be and remain what they should be (1 Peter 3:1-6; Ephesians 5:29). There are many dangers to not growing spiritually (Hebrews 5:12-14; 2 Peter 1:9), but allow me to site the following practical observations for the person who feels that once they are married, spiritual maturity is not that important:
· Boredom: “Being an undeveloped twenty-five or thirty-year-old is a formula for emptiness and depression” (Am I the one? Lucas p. 18). Even if your mate likes to teach, sooner or later he or she will get tired of being both his or her brain and yours. It is frustrating for a faithful Christian to be hindered from having a serious spiritual conversation with the very person they love.
· Annoyance: “You will get tired of him or her always teaching, lecturing, suggesting, encouraging, and pushing. And they will get frustrated having you as a deadweight chain around their ankles” (p. 18).
· Regret: As your mate advances in spiritual maturity. Bible knowledge, and so on, you will feel left out. “Your mate will regret being tied to someone who does not get it and who isn’t a partner in anything but name” (p. 18).
· Loneliness: A lack of spiritual growth will lead to feeling that you are out of the loop, and will leave you feeling more alone than you felt before you married. Remember, you cannot avoid reaping what you have sown (Galatians 6:7). Lucas then notes, “So your options, if you are not planning to become a person worth knowing and marrying, are rather limited. You can be a marginal character who attracts other marginal characters, or you can be a marginal character who fools a going-somewhere person into thinking you are not a marginal character. In either case, you still end up being a marginal character.
Specific areas of prayer
Pray for his work
Pray for his finances
Pray for their temptations and weaknesses
Pray for their fears and worries
Pray for their spiritual growth
Pray for their affection
Pray for their choices
Pray for their reputation
Pray for their parenting
Pray for his leadership
Pray for her time with the children
Pray for their priorities
Pray for their emotions
Pray for their language and talk
Pray for their influence and attempts to evangelize
Pray for their attitude
Pray for their goals and dreams
Pray for their deliverance from evil
Pray for their faith, obedience and repentance
Pray for their forgiveness
Pray for their life
