Sunday Sermons
Your First Year
“When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken” (Deuteronomy 24:5).
God knows that the first year of a marriage is very important. Some researchers estimate that as many as 90 percent of brides experience some degree of depression in their first year of marriage. Marriage is a very important relationship, and someone noted that that a very apt warning on this relationship would be, Warning: Improper Assembly May Cause Serious Injury (The Most Important Year in a Man’s Life, Wolgemulth and Devries, p. 9).
Shall give Happiness
“Chalk it off to our humanness, but most of us have this backwards. We’re eager for our wives to find ways to make us happy”(p. 19). Men tend to forget that one aspect of being the head of the home is to “give happiness”. When it comes to happiness and peace in the home, men need to be proactive, lead by example, and take the initiative in this area. Paul taught the same thing in the New Testament when he commands husband to nourish and cherish their wives (Ephesians 5:29), and make loving their own wives a high priority, right up there with caring for their own bodies (5:28). Too many husbands somehow think that providing happiness is the primary task of the woman in the home, yet the Scriptures all point in the other direction. For example, “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love” (Ecclesiastes 9:9), the responsibility for making the relationship enjoyable, is placed upon the shoulders of the man. Of course, women also have a responsibility here (Titus 2:4), but the man is viewed as being the essential key to happiness, that is why he is called a “house band” (husband).
Free at home
“Some men act as though their work is done the moment their bride says ‘I do’. It’s almost as though, on their wedding day, they take their to-do list and put a check mark next to ‘find a wife’. Then, after the honeymoon, it’s back to work and back to that to-do list. Perhaps the most interesting part of this phenomenon in men is that, at the same moment they’re feeling a sense of finality about their wedding day accomplishment, their brides are seeing it as just the beginning. Your job in your first year of marriage is to become an expert on one woman—your wife, and to learn how to bring her happiness” (pp. 18,19).
One year
Many men have made the tragic mistake of not investing in the first year or the early years of their marriage. If you do not invest in your marriage early on, you will have to work harder in the years ahead. “As a matter of fact, some of the guys we know who struggle in their marriages are investing exponentially more energy, anxiety, and money trying to keep their marriages alive than couples with healthy marriages will have to invest during their entire lifetime. The question must be asked: If these couples are working so hard, why are their marriages failing? It’s all about good timing. Failed marriages are not the result of the lack of investment but the lateness of that investment. A man may become motivated to work on his marriage when it’s in critical condition. The work and the sacrifices he makes may be nothing short of heroic. But tragically, they come awfully late” (p. 16).
The great return
Even though many voices in our culture are critical of the marriage relationship as described in the Bible, the truth of the matter is that marriage is not only “good” (Genesis 1:31; 1 Timothy 4:4), but is also good for you. In Genesis 2:18 God made the statement “It is not good for the man to be alone”. Studies have shown:
· People with satisfying marriages live longer, enjoy better health, and report a higher level of satisfaction about life in general.
· Married men report a deeper satisfaction about life in general than do single men. Forty percent of married couples say they are very happy, compared to 18 percent of those divorced, and 22 percent of those who never married or of unmarried couples living together.
· Despite the myths about the single life, married men enjoy much more frequent sex (almost twice as often) than single men.
· Recent statistics show that the average married couple in their fifties has a net worth nearly five times that of the average divorced person.
· Divorce dramatically increases the likelihood of early death from strokes, hypertension, respiratory cancer, and intestinal cancer. Astonishingly, being a divorced nonsmoker is only slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack (or more) of cigarettes a day and staying married! (pp. 15-16).
Mutual Respect
“From time immemorial, people have challenged women with the description of the perfect wife found in Proverbs 31. But when you take a good look at this ancient poem, there’s a man hiding in there” (p. 22). It would have been very difficult for this woman to achieve all these things without a supportive husband. The Holy Spirit notes “The heart of her husband trusts in her” (31:11). “Don’t you love the sound of that? The Proverbs 31 man ‘has full confidence’ in his wife. There’s plenty of maturity and balance in their relationship. He doesn’t treat his wife like a child, nor does he treat her like she’s his mother. He encourages her specific gifts, and like a plant living in a greenhouse, she blossoms in that environment. This is a man who trusts his wife’s judgment. He’s not threatened by her success or by her busy life. This guy’s wife manages her home and runs several businesses. And he gives her the freedom to invest, freedom to manage the household, freedom to sell what she produces, and freedom to care for the poor and the needy” (p. 22). Near the end of this section of Scripture we also find the words, “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (31:23). Seeing that he has full confidence in her and treats her with respect, in like manner she treats him with respect and expresses her confidence in him. A few questions to consider: Is this man respected among his peers because he has a wife who respects him? Does her admiration raise him to higher levels of success and self-respect?
Her husband praises her (31:28)
“Few things are more motivating to a woman than words of sincere admiration coming from her husband. The Proverbs 31 man is liberal with these expressions. Because this woman is married to a man who believes in her and verbally honors her and celebrates her success, she grows in confidence and becomes increasingly competent” (p. 24). Let us remember that honor, as well as respect and love must be verbalized (1 Peter 3:7). Couples need to realize that honor is a spiral, as well as dishonor. “Meeting each other’s needs leads to an increasing comfort in conversation, which leads to more frequent opportunities for intimacy, which leads to more satisfaction, which leads to a greater motivation to meet each other’s needs and on and on it goes” (p. 24).
Laying down your life: Ephesians 5:25
Most men would claim that they would be willing to die to protect their wife and family but many are unwilling to lay down their life on a daily basis in the regular, ordinary and mundane affairs of life. We tend to forget that life is not all lived or summed upon by one giant sacrifice we make once, but rather through serving and being unselfish on a daily basis. Most people want to rush through ordinarily living to get to the weekend or the vacation, and forget that most of our lives take place in the realm of the ordinary. In fact, God is trying to teach us lessons by such things as inconveniences and family demands and responsibilities, because that is where the richest lessons in life are often found (1 Peter 3:7; Philippians 2:3-5).
“Normal”
“Someone has suggested that everyone enters marriage with his or her own ‘ten commandments’ about what’s normal. But the only time these commandments are identified is when the spouse breaks one of them. Until then, they are only subconscious” (p. 46). Problems arise when there is a clash between what husbands and wives consider to be normal, this is why conversation is so important while dating or in the early years of marriage. Examples would include, “No home is complete without a cat or dog—a really big dog”. “Men always do the driving and always plan the vacations”. “Two children max”. “Being late is cute or being on time is critical”. “Men don’t do housework”. “Except for anger, men do not show their emotions”. “The house should always be immaculate, and men do the yard work”. “Cars should never be dirty or cars are merely for transportation”. “Husbands write the checks or the wife keeps the books”. “Reading a book is a complete waste of time or watching sports on television is a complete waste of time”. “Couples should never borrow money from parents or the in-laws should never be consulted”.
Being a leader
It is clear that the husband is the head of the wife (1 Corinthians 11:3). Yes, being a leader in your marriage is about you beingfirst. “It is about being the first to adjust in order to demonstrate love for your wife. It means being first in serving, the first in forgiving, and the first in yielding your conveniences. Something to ponder: Military officers are the first ones up in the morning and the last ones to bed at night” (p. 56). In addition, the husband should be first in seeing that the family studies the Bible, or first in making any spiritual corrections in your relationship or the faithfulness of the family (Ephesians 6:4).
Misguided battles
“When I was a little boy, my parents had a strict ‘no guns’ policy. You never saw my brothers or me with toy-gun holsters hanging from our belts. But what my father and mother didn’t realize was that we could make do with a banana, a stick, a pencil, a telephone, a piece of uncooked spaghetti, a sleeping cat—you get the idea. Aggression is indelibly inscribed into every man. We love to conquer. This desire to do battle comes in many forms. But men who don’t give voice to their warrior role in healthy ways (battling sin), more often than not, find themselves fighting the wrong battles” (p. 57). It is so easy for men to get side tracked on the battles that range from sports, to physical fitness, to volunteering or community involvement, and miss the battles that they need to be fighting right now, that is, helping their wives and children (Joshua 24:15). Like Adam we do not want to find ourselves preoccupied with something else when the devil is trying to woo our wives and children (Genesis 3).
