Sunday Sermons

The Value of a Housewife

Mark Dunagan
07/30/06 - Sunday Evening

The Value of a Housewife

The Help Meet

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him’”

“I don’t think non-Christians are bothered by the notion of a husband serving a wife, they’re all for that, let me assure you! It’s the notion of a wife being equally obligated to her husband that makes them anxious. What has lingered (since the sixties), though, is a sense that women are still being oppressed and that they have to be on guard all the time. You end up with these crazy arrangements—the wife decides to stay home with the children, but she is not going to clean or cook, or do laundry. She’s been liberated from those horrible chores. And the poor husband who works all day to support the family comes home to no dinner, no orderly household, and a wife who hands him a cranky baby and complains about her day” (World Magazine, July 18, 2006, p. 51). Yet God’s desire is that husbands and wives are completely committed to each other to the point that they understand that even their own bodies belong to each other (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).

Recognizing the Help Meet

· She is a servant in her home and outside her home.

· Helpful to her parents and your parents.

· Responsible in her chores and obligations.

· Hard working: “And does not eat the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:27).

· Aware of the needs of others, rather than being in her own world (Philippians 2:3-4).

· Not a pushover, but rather delegates certain responsibilities.

· She understands that when you teach a kid how to serve others, you teach them how to find joy.

“I am a firm believer that we need to give kids back their chores. My boys wash the family van every week, they set and clear the dinner table, they take care of the pets. A friend told me that when he was growing up, the kids in his family were in charge of their own laundry from the moment each one was tall enough to reach the dials on the washer and dryer. I took that one to heart! My boys wash all their own clothes as well as the family’s towels” (World Magazine p. 52). The wise woman delegates such duties because she knows that her children need to learn to see the value in domestic chores, and she cannot do everything by herself, if she is truly going to be a help-meet for her husband. A clean and organized home is important, but even more important is the time she and her husband have together.

The value of domestic duties

“Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach” (1 Timothy 5:14). “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home” (Titus 2:4-5). “She looks well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27).

Writer Caitlin Flanagan observed, “I think the women’s movement demonized some of the most valuable and worthwhile work in the world: making a home for the people who love you. It’s true that modern women feel two powerful impulses coming into collision: the impulse to make a mark on the larger world, and the one to make a deep and larger impression on the daily lives of their families” (World Magazine p. 51). I believe that there is a common myth in the world that the talented, energetic, smart woman pursues a career and any woman less than this stays at home and opts for domestic duties. Yet as one reads the Bible they will find a very talented, smart and energetic professional woman actively involved in the domestic realm (Proverbs 31:10ff).

· Flanagan writes that many professional women who have chosen to stay at home have “given up on the power and autonomy of a career for one signal reason: to ensure that their children get the very best of themselves”.

· Notice that a career does give one a certain amount of “autonomy” and “power”. It is tempting for both men and women to place a lot of trust in their job “security”, as if the job is some final line of defense. A woman might think “if he leaves me, I still can support myself”. A man might be tempted to think, “I am making enough now that if I decide to leave, even with alimony payments I can still live a comfortable lifestyle”. Yet this is kind saying, “If I end up in hell, at least it will be a warm climate”. Both men and women might be tempted to think, “I don’t have to depend completely on what he or she makes; I still have some of my own money if I want to buy something for myself, and I don’t even need to talk to them about it”, or, “Since I worked for it, I should get my share first”.

· Solomon warned us that while money is useful, it is a poor substitute for human warmth and friendship, especially a warm marriage (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

· It is easy to forget that even in a career one is serving. All that time at the office is service towards a company and thus building that company. It is a very wise woman who says, “I want to make sure that my husband and children get the best of my time and energy”. A husband also needs to make sure that the wife and children are not short-changed when it comes to his time and energy as well. Even though he is a bread-winner (1Timothy 5:8), he is still a teacher of his children(Ephesians 6:4).

· The advantage of mom at home is that she has more opportunity to plan times in which the children can learn to serve other members of the congregation.

· One of the temptations of employment (for both men and women) is that one comes home tired and with the feeling that one has already “put in their time” and that the rest of the day belongs to them. This can rub off on the children, who may feel that since they “worked” already in school, at a job after school, or an after school activity and the rest of the day belongs to them as well. Consider the following story:

“Which of you, having a slave plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come immediately and sit down and eat?’ But will he not say to him, ‘Prepare something for me to eat, and properly clothe yourself and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you may eat and drink? He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he? So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done’” (Luke 17:7-10).

This story is revealing because there are times when we might be tempted to think that putting in some time at school or work somehow means that the rest of the day exclusively belongs to us.

· We worked hard at work today. Good, but remember, that is not “extra credit”, you are commanded to do that (Ephesians 6:5-9).

· You came home and spent time with the children. Great, but remember, that is expected as well (Ephesians 6:4).

· Keeping the house clean and preparing a wonderful meal is also a necessity (1 Timothy 5:14).

· Cherishing our mates is a top priority (Ephesians 5:22ff).

· After we do all these things, there is still the work of being a good neighbor, helping those in need, encouraging our brethren, and sharing the gospel.

Spiritual priorities

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband” (Proverbs 12:4). The term excellent, or side reference “virtuous” has in it the root idea of strength and worth. “The modern phrase, ‘she has a lot in her’, expresses something of the meaning” (Kidner p. 95). Involved are the qualities of honor, ability, goodness and courage. When used of men in the Bible, this Hebrew term is often translated, “valiant”. Note the contrast. “A man cannot provide for the security of his family through any means that violate basic principles of right and wrong. Rather than focus his attention on making as much money as possible, a man should give thought to the choice of a good wife and then to the spiritual nurture of his children” (Garrett pp. 128-129). This equally reminds the single man to marry a woman who recognizes what is truly valuable, has her priorities in line, and has common sense.

· “If you want a rewarding family life that is centered on meaningful time spent together, you may have to reduce the family’s achievement and performance in the outside world. If you really want to get to know your child, to impart your deepest values to him and to fill him up with things that matter to you—don’t race him off to a dozen high-pressure activities. Take him with you to the grocery store and the dry cleaners, let him play close by while you cook dinner or read the mail. You can either center the family’s value system on achievement and profit or on meaningful time together” (World Magazine p. 52).

· “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:7).

· So carefully observe the priorities of the woman who are dating. Does she place a premium on time spent with family, time spent with other Christians and time spent in service to God and others? Or, does she seem focused on self and her accomplishments?

· Even if you are in college, the schedule still is revealing, and we cannot make the mistake of thinking that certain times in life exempt us from putting first the kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Does the woman you are dating put first things first even during stressful times?

Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/504-644-9017