Sunday Sermons

Parenting Assumptions

Mark Dunagan
08/27/06 - Sunday Evening

Parenting Assumptions

“Taking them to Church”

Too many times heart broken parents when observing the waywardness of their children will say, “But we took them to church all those years!” While attending services is a biblical command and thus essential (Hebrews 10:24), it is not the sum total of bringing up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

“Assuming that four hours of assembly and Bible class should counterbalance untold hours of being locked away from the family (tuned in or logged on to who knows what), humanistic ideology at school, peer pressure, moral relativism, bad examples, lack of supervision…You can drag this youth to church, but if you turn around and take a look, you will likely notice he’s not making very good use of his allotted hour for God” (When Parents Do Not Instill Biblical Virtues, Scott Smelser, Focus Magazine, July/August 2002, p. 21).

“It Won’t Affect Them”

Do not assume that “it won’t affect my child to hear me attacking and maligning the brethren behind their backs. If your brother sins against you, go to him—alone (Matthew 18:15). Griping about him to your children on the way to or from services is a poor substitute. Jesus said, ‘By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love for one another’ (John 13:35). Despising the brethren sends a rather different message. If we insist on devouring the brethren (Galatians 5:15) understand that the children may choose to get away from the cycle of cannibalism” (Focus p. 21).

· We need to remember that the command to love one another, as Jesus loved us applies not only when everyone is behaving in a manner that meets with our perfect approval.

· In addition, it is not enough to simply abstain from saying something cruel; rather, we need to say something positive as well. Our children need to hear us complimenting members (especially behind their backs).

· David certainly did not worship with perfect people, and yet his attitude toward an opportunity for public worship with other believers was, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord’” (Psalm 122:1). There were brethren who disappointed and sought to hurt Paul (Philippians 1:15; 2 Timothy 4:16; Philippians 2:21 “For they all seek after their own interests”), yet Paul never became cynical or bitter in relation to other Christians. In spite of all the disappointment, Paul would write, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Romans 12:10).

· We must come to terms with the fact that whatever happens during our Christian lives (in which we occasionally see the worst among some professed Christians) cannot be allowed to affect our perspective towards God, His people or the Scriptures. This is true faith: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword”? (Romans 8:35) The same equally applies to poor examples among God’s people, or “dangers among false brethren” (2 Corinthians 11:26). My children (not to mention myself and everyone else I care about) cannot afford to be around a parent who has become disenchanted with the church, or doctrine, or anything associated with God.

“Unaware of My Hypocrisy”

Do not “Assume that children are not sophisticated enough to notice my own hypocrisy” (Focus p. 21). Hypocrisy has been a common problem through the centuries (Romans 2:21-24 “You therefore, you teach another, do you not teach yourself?”). Yet there is equally a number of other things that children pick up at a very early age:

They can tell if you are disciplining them out of love or anger, are happily married, are tolerating them or delighting in them, are excited about serving God or just going through the motions, like other members of the church, pray fervently or by rote, and if you really believe in the passages in the Bible concerning evangelism.

“Assuming the Worse”

Do not “Assume that teens are expected to be disrespectful, worldly, and untrustworthy. This is wrong. Some teens exhibit more honor, courage, character, and godliness than many people achieve in their entire lives. Expect excellence from your children. If you expect only worldliness, that’s probably what you will receive” (Focus p. 21). Now some parents assume the worse because they assume that since they did not exercise self-control and patience when they were young (and still might not), that no one can. Yet the Bible is filled with examples of young people who did not settle for the norm seen in the world:

· Daniel and his friends lived honorably in an ungodly environment (Daniel 1:8).

· Timothy did not have a Christian father, yet accomplished much for God (1 Timothy 4:12).

· Joseph refused to be bitter when treated unjustly (Genesis 39).

· Samuel had the courage to tell someone he loved the truth even when it was difficult.

It is noteworthy that when David said, “How can a young man keep his way pure?” (Psalm 119:9), that David did not respond, “It’s impossible”. Rather he knew that many young men can and do control their thoughts and actions by trusting God and following His word.

“Assuming that Rules Produce Rebels”

Do not “Assume that if I don’t permit some unwholesome activities, behavior, and attire, they might turn away from the Lord. You do not wreck your car, so you need not worry about someone stealing it. You do not burn down your house, in order to assure an accidental fire can’t break out. You should not give your children over to the world in hopes that they will stay with the Lord” (Focus p. 22). The above thinking is seen in:

· Letting your children have a beer party at home because “we all know” that they are going to drink anyway.

· Giving your children birth control because “we all know” that they are going to fornicate anyway.

· Not spanking my children because such “Only produces children that hit others”. Of course such thinking is in direct defiance to Scripture (Proverbs 23:13-14).

· Believing that “Children raised in godly homes will suddenly go completely out of control once they leave that environment”. Now the Bible does teach that children raised by good parents can “go out of control” (Ezekiel 18:10 “He may have a violent son”, yet the cause is not that they were raised with high standards, rather that they choose to squander the privileges of such an upbringing.

“Furthermore, don’t make the life of a disciple appear cost free. It’s not (Luke 14:33). If we make sure our little ones never have to miss out on some ‘fun’ for principle’s sake, we cheat them of the opportunity to develop a spiritual backbone. Train your children in what is right, and train them to appreciate right for being right. Train their hearts. If you think they have to ‘fit in with the world’…they probably will” (Focus p. 22). When it comes to a choice between an event or God or ‘fun’ and a Biblical principle, let us remember that for the rest of their lives our children are expected to be:

· Unselfish (Philippians 2:3-5), and putting the needs of others ahead of their own.

· Dedicated parents who sacrifice time for their children.

· Dedicated spouses who serve and sacrifice (Ephesians 5:25).

· Committed to the needs of their brethren.

· Happy when others prosper and affected by the sufferings of fellow Christians (Romans 12:16).

· Exercising self-control in regard to anger, lust, and all other unworthy thoughts (2 Corinthians 7:1).

· Taking time out for “unpopular” and unfortunate people (Romans 12:16).

Allowing our children to put some “fun” ahead of what is right completely violates the course of life that God will expect of them for the rest of their lives.

“Good Enough for the World”

Do not “Assume that the current societal standard of parenting is good enough for my children” (Focus p. 22). Instead let us soberly remember that our modern society does not understand:

· How to raise godly children (Proverbs 13:24; 29:15).

· Training in righteousness (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

· Decency in language and actions (Ephesians 5:3-5).

· The importance of modesty (1 Timothy 2:9).

· The role of husbands and wives (1 Timothy 5:14; Ephesians 5:22ff).

· The commitment of marriage (Hebrews 13:4).

God has given us all we need to be successful (2 Timothy 3:16-17; Ephesians 6:4) in raising children of exceptional character. Let’s being willing to reach for the best.

Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017