Sunday Sermons
Strong Men
Strong Men
1 Peter 3:7
1 Peter 3:7 “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”
“You husbands”: Peter may not spend as much time talking to husbands, but he speaks just as forcefully, especially in view of the fact that not everyone has a good husband: Christian husbands need to step forward and treat their wives in a manner which will catch the attention of the world (Matthew 5:13-16).
“Likewise”: “In the same way, equally”. The question is--- in the same way as what? The husband also has his duties to others and God. Being a good husband involves making himself a servant, at times, to the needs of his wife (Ephesians 5:21). “So husbands are to conscientiously and responsibly attend to the needs of their own wives. The idea is that he must be as considerate and careful to maintain his God-given relationship to his wife, as she is in maintaining her rightful relationship to him” (Oberst p. 155). In like manner, the husband must treat his wife properly, regardless of how she treats him. Barclay notes, “The great characteristic of the Christian ethic is that it is what may be called a reciprocal ethic. It is an ethic which never places all the responsibility or all the duty on one side. In the Roman moral code all the obligation is on the wife, and all the privilege is with the husband. It is the mark of the Christian ethic that it never grants a privilege without a corresponding obligation” (pp. 263-264).
“In an understanding way”: “According to knowledge” (ASV). “Intelligent recognition of the nature of the marriage relation” (Vincent p. 651). “In accordance with Christian knowledge” (Arndt p. 163). He must be sensitive, considerate, and understanding to the feelings of his wife. “The should live considerately with their wives” (TCNT). “The husband should interact with his wife on the basis of an intelligent comprehension of her needs as a person and as a woman. He must ever strive to understand those matters. Several suggestions come to mind: He would encourage her to communicate her perceived needs to him, and listen carefully to what was shared. He would inquire into her particular physical, emotional, and spiritual needs and how he might best address them. He would be willing to change, adapt, and adjust his life with a view to his wife’s happiness and well-being. He would recognize her unique qualities and virtues, and appreciate her for herself, not making comparisons with others of her sex. In short, the man who dwells with his wife on the basis of ‘gnosis’ (knowledge)—understanding—is willing to be informed and aware of his wife’s needs---and address them! Ignorance is not bliss in a marriage, but deadly” (Oberst p. 156). In very simple terms, this means that as a husband I need to become the expert on my wife. Something is wrong if other women understand my wife better than I do. Something is equally amiss if a wife tends to share her frustrations, needs, and concerns with other women instead of with her husband.
This also will demand that the husband place the needs of his wife ahead of his own (Philippians 2:3-4). J.H. Jowett wrote, “Don’t let thy personal wish have the first and last word… Be thoughtful and unceasingly considerate” (Oberst p. 156). The above phrase also infers that definite knowledge is needed for how to live with a woman in the relationship of marriage. Too many people just assume that they will naturally know how to get along. This statement also infers that women and men are different. Both men and women get into trouble and many marriage problems start when weassume that the needs of our spouse are identical with our own. Women have different needs than men, and the smart man will find out what his wife really needs and wants---and not what he wants.
Equally true is the fact that not all women are the same. So I cannot just read a book on marriage and assume that my wife fits the generalizations stated in the book. I need to specifically understand the woman that I married and not just women in general.
“As with a weaker vessel”: From 3:1-6, we already know that she is not morally, intellectually, spiritually, or even emotionally weaker than her husband.
Actually, men are six times more likely than women to be arrested for drug abuse, and ten times more likely to be arrested for drunkenness. In fact, eighty-three percent of serious crimes in this country are committed by men. Thus, in some ways women are stronger than men and in some ways men are stronger than women. The above text is emphasizing that a man needs to cherish his wife as he would a delicate and priceless object. God intended that weaknesses of males would call forth and highlight the strength of women, and the weaknesses of women would call forth and highlight the strength of men. If we were to compare men and women and give a numerical value to their respective strengths and shortcomings we should probably find that both sides would come out even in the end.
Grudem notes, “but the context would make it appropriate for him to have in mind any kind of weakness of which husbands would need to be cautioned not to take advantage. This would certainly include the idea that, by and large, women are physically weaker than men (that is if men tried they usually could overpower their wives physically). But the context also shows that women are weaker in terms of authority in the marriage (1,5-6), and Peter therefore directs husbands that instead of misusing their authority for selfish ends they should use it to ‘bestow honor on their wives” (p. 144). “Vessel”: This does not imply inferiority, for the man is also a vessel (2 Tim. 2:21), rather it reminds us that we are created beings, subject to frailty and accountable to a personal God (Ecclesiastes 12:7,12-13).
“Since she is a woman”: The term woman here is the translation of a rare Greek word that means “the feminine one”. “It suggests that Peter looks to the characteristic nature of womanhood or femininity and suggests that a wife’s femaleness should itself elicit honor from her husband” (Grudem p. 143).
“And grant her honor”: Show and pay her honor. The tense is present active, “keep on honoring her”, and the word “honor” means to esteem, value and treat with respect. This honor would include “kind and affirming words both privately and publicly, and high priority in choices regarding the use of one’s time and money” (Grudem p. 143).Included also would be listening to her views, advice, or opinions, encouraging her to give input on important decisions, taking her problems and worries very seriously, not speaking down to her or treating her as a child, realizing how much she does for the family, and realizing how much it would cost you to replace her if you had to pay for a full-time nanny, cook, and housekeeper, etc. “It was, and still is, no uncommon sight in the East to see the man riding on a heavily-laden donkey while the woman trudges by his side. It was Christianity which introduced chivalry into the relationships between men and women” (Barclay p. 265).
This plays into the idea of weaker vessel. “If a man has a valuable and expensive vase…he takes more care and caution that it might not be broken or cracked…That he be in many ways her shield, protector, and defender” (Oberst p. 157). How a man treats his wife is exactly how that man views the value of his wife. You cannot separate how a man views his wife from how he treats her.
“As a fellow heir of the grace of life”: A co-inheritor, “heirs equally with yourselves” (Mof). The expression “grace of life” means a sharer in God’s gracious gift of eternal life. Your wife stands on equal ground before God with yourself. She is a Christian, and God takes any mistreatment against her—very personally (Matthew 25:31ff; Acts 9:5). My goal as a Christian husband is to treat my wife in such a manner that when all of this is over and time is gone that she can say to me in heaven, “Thank you for being so supportive of my attempt to serve God while on earth.”
“So that your prayers may not be hindered”: That is, cut off. “The sighs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing” (Barclay p. 265). “As the closest human relationship, the relationship to one’s spouse must be most carefully cherished if one wishes a close relationship with God” (Davids p. 123).
The responsibility of manhood is for the good of woman. Benevolent responsibility is meant to rule out all self-aggrandizing authoritarianism (Luke 22:26). It is meant to rule out all disdaining condescension and any act that makes a mature woman feel patronized rather than honored and prized. Masculinity is a God-given trust for the good of all His creatures, not a right for men to exercise for their own self-exaltation or ego-satisfaction. Like all God’s requirements it is not meant to be onerous or burdensome (1 John 5:3). Man will be uniquely called to account for his leadership, provision, and protection in relation to women. This is illustrated in Genesis 3:9 when God says to Adam first, “Where are you?” Eve had sinned first, but God does not seek her out first. Adam must give the first account to God for the moral life of the family in the Garden of Eden. This does not mean the woman has no responsibility. It simply means that man bears a unique and primary one.
Keep this verse and these concepts in mind before you snap back at your mate or get into an argument that is already out of control. If you have a disagreement with your mate, you should conduct yourself, and treat him or her in such a manner that you can pray afterward—and God will hear that prayer. God is so serious about how men treat their wives that He is willing to cut off spiritual blessings to men who mistreat their wives. Instead, enjoy life with your wife, and an eternity honoring God together.
Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net/mdunagan@easystreet.com
