Saving My Children

Mark Dunagan
10/05/08 - Sunday Morning

Saving My Children

This Sermon is also available in video format here.

The major concern for most Christian parents is the salvation of their children. Often parents worry about whether or not their children will remain faithful, especially when have witnessed young people not remaining faithful from their own generation. Unfaithful children are no stranger in the pages of the Bible, and there are even unfaithful children among the Bible's heroes:

• In the very first family, Cain apostasies, "Cain went out from the presence of the Lord" (Genesis 4:16).
• Esau did not have the spiritual convictions of his mother or father (Genesis 26:34-35).
• Samuel's children were not faithful to God, "His sons, however, did not walk in his ways" (1 Samuel 8:3).
• David's own son tried to take the throne from his father and kill him (2 Samuel 14).
• Many of the Kings of Israel had sons that were unfaithful to God, such as Hezekiah's son Manasseh (2 Kings 20:21-21:2).

The Bible equally acknowledges that it is a very common temptation to turn one's back on the faith of their parents, for many of the Proverbs warn young people about avoiding the mistake of forsaking the teaching of one's parents (Proverbs 1:8; 3:1; 4:1; 5:1; 7:1). While parents will obviously make a mistake from time to time, in this lesson I want to present some practical things that we parents can do, and some things they need to avoid as well, in the quest to save the souls of our children.

Be Consistent

Not only in your discipline and rules but in your lifestyle as well. Let your children see that you are the same person in private that you are in public, and what the brethren see at worship services is what you are in your own home. This would include:

1. The absence of profanity at home and at work (Ephesians 4:29 "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth").
2. A warm love between parents (Ephesians 5:29 "cherishes it").
3. A love for the brethren (1 Peter 2:17), and sacrificing time to help them.
4. Only morally upright forms of entertainment.

Practice What You Preach

"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves" (James 1:22). We can deceive ourselves (when we are not walking the walk) — but we are typically not deceiving anyone else, especially our children when we are not walking the walk. Practicing what you preach would include:

1. Being involved in your own regular bible study (2 Timothy 2:15).
2. Having an active prayer life.
3. Extending hospitality (Romans 12:13).
4. Faithful in worshipping with other Christians (Hebrews 10:24).
5. Involved in saving the lost. Children are going to sense that something is wrong if we are talking about how much the world needs the gospel but they never see us personally reaching out to anyone with it.
6. Rejoicing in the fact that we are saved and have a relationship with God (Philippians 4:4).

A practical exercise would be to pick up the Bible and read the works of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:19ff), and then ask yourself, "Do my children see the fruit of the Spirit in my life?" Am I loving? Do I express my joy? Am I at peace? Do I manifest patience? Am I kind to others? Am I gentle? When they think of me do they think of someone who has self-control?

Mom and Dad Must Be Equally Strong

I know and have seen that faithful children can be raised by a single parent or by a parent who is married to an unbeliever. But what I am discussing is the situation in which both parents profess to be Christians. When one parent is faithful and involved and the other is rather weak or apathetic it sends the signal that being a Christian isn't that important, for if it was, mom or dad would not stand for such spiritual laziness. It is hard to convince your children that God would be first (Matthew 6:33), if one of the persons in the parenting team is not putting God first.

Be a Leader, Not a Follower

If you are a follower as an adult then often you will produce children who are followers. When I look at the kids I know who are no longer faithful, often one characteristic they have in common, is that they are followers. "We have a little sister... What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we shall build on her a battlement of silver; but if she is a door, we shall barricade her with planks of cedar" (Song of Solomon 8:9). This young girl's brothers appear to be speaking here. We first met them in 1:6. When the Shulammite was young, an evaluation was made. The family sensed their responsibility. The brothers concluded that if she was a "wall", then all they would do is enhance her beauty. Being a "wall" refers to her inner strength of character. But if she were easily seduced or seemed quite spiritually vulnerable as she grew up, then they would enclose her with boards of cedar. Is she going to be a "door" or a "wall"? Will she be able to resist temptations that come her way, or will she give in to them? The fact that the family was concerned about this shows us the importance of the family in terms of character development as well as protection. The brothers speak of how they will best guide a younger sister when she comes of age. Their response depends upon her character. Carefully observe that our character can be seen by others! Parents do need to respond differently to differences in their children. Some young people have more inner strength than others. If you want to be given more freedom by your parents, what does this passage indicate that you should do?

Don't Sacrifice their Eternal Future for the Present

When you make choices concerning such things as a career, place of employment, where you will live and so on, remember the impact that those choices have upon your children. Therefore:

1. Make it a priority to work with an energetic and growing congregation.
2. Make the effort to get your kids to get-togethers and activities that involve other Christians their age.
3. Take them to gospel meetings, youth lectureships, and organize classes for their age group.
4. Limit the amount of time that you are away from them. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you are such a "cool" or talented mom or dad that you can turn out faithful children and neglect the principles in passages such as Deuteronomy 6:7. Have regular and deep spiritual conversations with your children.
5. Do not turn your head when you see your children beginning to take the first few steps down the wrong path.

Be Dead Serious About the Right Things

Getting stuck in traffic or something going wrong with the house or the car is not the end of the world, so don't act like it is. Be happy, fun-loving, have a sense of humor, don't take yourself too seriously, but be dead serious only about God's laws. Therefore:

1. Convictions take precedence of convenience.
2. God's laws take precedence over opinions.
3. My marriage takes precedence over my career.
4. Worship takes precedence over hobbies and homework.
5. Honoring God and obeying Him takes precedence over everything else (John 14:15).

Fellowship the Right People

If we continue to have social interaction with unfaithful Christians, our kids are going the get the message that the standards we profess are not that important and therefore they must just be our opinion. After all, rebellion must not be that big of deal if there are no social consequences of such actions (Matthew 18:17), and they will also get the idea that we can kind of pick and choose which commands were prefer to keep and which we don't (1 Corinthians 5:11). Remember, "Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?" (5:6). The lump of dough that we need to especially protect, is the lump that includes our children.

Talk About Your Faith

And do so frequently outside of the worship services (Deuteronomy 6:7). In a sense, every parent is commanded to be someone who preaches "in season and out of season" (2 Timothy 4:2). One observation that I have is that often in families where the children are grown and unfaithful is that the unfaithful children have virtually succeeded in silencing the parents. All sorts of topics are discussed when together — except the gospel. In a sense, be so courageous, vocal and joyful about the gospel message that if your children choose to depart from the faith, they won't want to be around you, because one frequent topic is "righteousness, self-control, and the judgment to come" (Acts 24:25). Instead of being afraid about offending or turning away our children, their friends or others, they all need to be far more concerned about offending God and us! If anyone needs to be tip-toeing around and watching what they say, it is unbelievers, not Christians, especially, in our own homes.