Counting My Days

Mark Dunagan
03/28/10 - Sunday Morning

“I had not taken the proper precautions for my demise because I thought I was going to the supermarket afterwards. But in the clinic at 9 a.m. the doctor looked pensive over my EKG, and then left the room and returned with a second doctor, which I knew couldn’t be good. They sat me down and told me I had ‘dodged a few bullets’, and admitted me immediately, wheelchair and all. By 3 p.m., outfitted with a heart monitor, I had seen a parade of second different doctors through my room. By 4 p.m., the seven filled in together, like the last scene of a Shakespeare play where all the characters are reassembled for the moral of the story. The man I took to be the top of the pecking order spoke, while the rest looking like chastened toddlers and said not a word. In 15 minutes I was walking out of the hospital in my street clothes. Steve Jobs told an auditorium of fresh-faced Stanford University grads that in 2004 he lived one whole day with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer that was proved false by an evening biopsy. But it was enough; his life was changed forever. The announcement of my own death had been premature. But one day death will make another house call, and it won’t be the wrong address” (The Day I Was Dying, Andree Seu, Worldmag.com).

What Would You Do?

If any of us were told this week that we only had a week to live, what would we change and how would we live this week differently than any other previous week? Now one might say, “Mark, that really isn’t a fair question, because if I only had a week to live, I would quit my job and do a number of things that would be viewed as irresponsible in any other context”. Agreed. So let’s expand the life expectancy and ask another question. “At what point would a diagnosis of your demise no longer have an impact upon you?” That is, if a “week to live” would get your attention, how about: Six months to live? A year? Two years? Five? Ten? Twenty? At what point would you no longer feel threatened? At what point would you leave the office unmoved?

The Brevity Of Life

One reoccurring reminder in the Scriptures is the brevity of an ordinary life span.

• “The years of my sojourning are one hundred and thirty; few and unpleasant have been the years of my life” (Genesis 47:9).
• “Our days on the earth are like a shadow” (1 Chronicles 29:15).
• “My days are shifter than a weaver’s shuttle” (Job 7:6).
• “Now my days are swifter than a runner; they flee away, they see no good. They slip by like reed boats, like an eagle that swoops on its prey” (Job 9:25-26).
• “Man, who is born of woman, is short-lived” (Job 14:1).
• “You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away” (James 4:14).

It Is Brief For All

When I was younger I thought that I could simply ignore my mortality. I was young and healthy with probably had many years ahead of me. Yet the Bible specifically addresses the young and reminds us that this lesson applies to everyone – since everyone is aging and time is ticking at the same speed for both old and young, “...childhood and the prime of life are fleeting” (Ecclesiastes 11:10).

What Would You Have Left Unchanged?

You know you are currently on track with your life, and that you are living a life that will not be filled with regrets at the end if you already have a large segment of your life that a shocking and abrupt diagnosis would not alter. That is,

• I certainly would not start attending services less.
• I would not spend less time in prayer.
• I would not spend less time in Bible study.
• I would not spend less time with my kids or mate.
• I would not spend less time with fellow Christians.
• I would not spend less time reaching out to people with the gospel.

The Rest Test for what is Worth While

I know that the world at times thinks that we are wasting our time going to worship, praying, studying and being involved as a Christian, but the real test for the value of anything is the question “What would I do if I knew my time was limited?” So, if we are already worshipping regularly (Hebrews 10:25), already praying earnestly (1 Thess. 5:16), already studying diligently (2 Timothy 2:15), already loving my family (Titus 2:4-5), already involved with and loving my brethren (Hebrews 12:12-15), and already spreading the gospel as much as I can (Mark 16:15), then I already know that I am living a “regret-free” life. Or, in other words, I have been already living like a man or woman who knows that his or her days are numbered:

“Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the extent of my days, let me know how transient I am” (Psalm 39:4).

I like David’s attitude here. Something had happened in David’s life, some sort of suffering (39:10) or disease that has reminded David of a very unpleasant fact for most people – our mortality. Yet rather than running from this truth or trying to stay busy so the thought does not catch up, David’s first prayer here is that he will learn well the lesson of this truth. “This seems to be a deliberate act of facing unwelcome facts as God’s facts, and seeing them as He sees them” (Psalm 1-72, Derek Kidner, p. 156).

Helpful Thoughts

I am impressed that David does not pray, “Lord, help me forget”, rather he wants to benefit from this brush with death. When we experience something similar, we too need to pray

• “Help me to appreciate the daily reminders of my brevity”
• “Keep me humble with the thoughts of my frail earthly nature”
• “Let me live each day as if it was my last”

David immediately recognizes one important truth about our days –“Behold, Thou hast made my days as hand-breadths” (39:5). That is, God is the one who has determined that our earthly life-span will be relatively brief and if God has determined this, then I need to trust Him. It must be in my best interest to have a brief lifetime. I might get quite careless if I actually lived for a thousand years or more.

What Would You Change?

“Making the most of your time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).

• The nearness of death acts like cold water on any temptation. The devil does not like it when we think. Various sins really lose their appeal when we know that our encounter with God is near. “In the end that Face which is the delight or the terror of the universe must be turned upon each of us either with one expression or with the other, either conferring glory inexpressible or inflicting shame that can never be cured or disguised.” (CS Lewis) 
• Having a fight with our parents or mate looks like a complete waste of time when our time is limited. When your time is limited, any estrangement in marriage looks absolutely foolish (Ecclesiastes 9:9).
• Walking around in a dark mood is likewise a waste. If I only have 500 days left, then I am certainly not going to waste any of them on being angry, depressed or discouraged (Ecclesiastes 9:7-8).
• I will equally get rid of things that tend to waste my time or are a poor substitute for living. Instead of living through some electronic medium, I think I would rather do something real (Ecclesiastes 9:10). 
• I am certainly not going to live for a job or spend more time at work. 
• The pleasures I select are not going to be the sinful ones. The only pleasures I am going to choose are those that have no destructive side-effects, or cause me regrets (Romans 6:21). 
• My conversations with people will be different; they will be deepened. In addition to light-hearted conversation, I will also ask serious questions about how to draw closer to God and face death with confidence.
• I will not be bothered by my fears, in fact, I will finally realize that some of my fears are very healthy. Remaining mildly uncomfortable with death is a good thing – it means I take it seriously.