Raising Boys

Mark Dunagan
03/27/11 - Sunday Morning

Raising Boys

When it comes to raising children, boys or girls there have always been challenges that have been faced by each new generation of parents. In our own time, the following challenges exist for parents:

A Dangerous World for Parents

• Their authority is being undermined by the culture at every turn.
• Some feel too busy or demoralized to make much of a difference in their children's life.
• Others feel helpless against the constant onslaught of what the media is feeding their children. How can they complete with the popular music, movies, websites, and so on?
• Some parents are fearful of making unpopular choices and actually saying "no" to their children, as an example of this, Focus on the Family received the following letter, "What has become of the backbone of parents today? My husband and I have been amazed again and again by the fearfulness of parents to take a stand-even with their small children. They don't seem to grasp the idea that God has put them in charge for a very good reason, and it is He who will hold them accountable" (Bringing Up Boys, James Dobson, p. 230). The writer was right. There are many fearful parents in our modern culture and God does hold parents accountable for their parenting, "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them" (1 Samuel 3:13).

A Dangerous World for Boys

In our modern world, "when compared to girls, boys are six times more likely to have learning disabilities, three times more likely to be registered drug addicts, and four times more likely to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed. They are at greater risk for schizophrenia, autism, sexual addiction, alcoholism, and all forms of anti-social and criminal behavior. They are twelve times more likely to murder someone, and their rate of death in car accidents is greater by 50 percent... Fully 80 percent of suicides involve males under twenty-five years of age. Boys compromise 90 percent of those in drug treatment programs and 95 percent of kids involved in juvenile court... Fewer boys now attend and graduate from college. Fifty-nine percent of all master's degree candidates are now women, and the percentage of men in graduate-level professional education is shrinking each year"(Dobson, pp. 33-34).

Hope for Christian Parents

80 percent of Americans believe that immorality is the greatest problem facing this nation and yet most feel just too busy or too demoralized to take on those who are seeking to lead their children astray. The good news for Christian parents is that you are equipped to not only parent your children well, but to do battle for their souls:

• You are fully equipped: Ephesians 6:11-18
• God has confidence in you, He has put you in charge: Ephesians 6:4
• You have the most powerful sword and shield in the world: Hebrews 4:12-13; Ephesians 6:16
• You have a great support group, a God-designed support group in the Lord's church.
• You are surrounded by other godly parents.
• You have at your finger-tips, in the Scriptures, time-tested parenting advice that has resulted in producing many fine men and women throughout the world's history.

Therefore, we are neither "too busy" nor "too discouraged". We are warriors with the right priorities, "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith" (1 John 5:4); "You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

God put you in Charge for a Reason

This means that God has confidence in you. If you are faithful to God then you are the most qualified person to raise your children. I know that many parents in our culture don't want this responsibility, one writer noted, "adults define themselves as children's allies, trainers, partners, friends, facilitators, co-learners, and advocates" (Ready or Not: Why Treating Children As Small Adults Endangers Their Future and Ours, Kay Hymowitz). If God put parents in charge, then the following must be true:

• Children will not just naturally raise themselves.
• They will not just finally figure it all out on their own.
• They need guidance, instruction and discipline.
• They need your example:
  • There are two primary ways in which Fathers influence their sons. The first is the example of the Father and the second is the instruction given by the Father.

The Lost art of Loving Discipline

It is easy to view "discipline" and "correction" as something purely negative - and this is probably why some parents avoid it - but consider the following passages:

• "Discipline your son while there is hope" (Proverbs 19:18). Now are the optimistic days of "hope", when you can actually make a difference, the cement has not yet been set, the child can still be molded. Rejoice in such hopeful days!
• "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15). Parents should not be overly embarrassed when a child acts up or misbehaviors, that is to be expected, there is "foolishness" in that heart! The only thing I should ever be embarrassed about is not correcting them. Expect "foolishness", do not give up when it surfaces, rather say, "This is normal" and then nip it in the bud. Make foolishness costly and an unhappy experience for the child - never reward or ignore it.
• "And deliver his soul from Sheol" (Proverbs 23:14). Wow - that's a positive influence. I have the opportunity to help my child early on so that they can live a long life and avoid ending up lost! Thus, all my parenting efforts can be summed up in helping them go to heaven.
• "Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul" (Proverbs 29:17). So when my parenting efforts will come back to rest on my own head. All this work does have a reward, not merely for my child, but for me as well. I can end up with a wonderful person who supports me when I am older. A child who is a comfort and a delight!

Remember: "It is far easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" (Barbara Jackson).

Things to do for or teach Boys

• Tie that boy to a wise man. "Tie a boy to the right man and he almost ever goes wrong". The best man for a boy to be tied to is a loving, godly and involved father.
• It is okay to be afraid. Those who define manhood as a state of "no fear" are dead wrong. People who are afraid of everything are neurotic, those who are afraid of nothing are psychotic. Courage is not the absence of fear, rather, it is having a reasonable and healthy fear of what could hurt you, yet going ahead and doing what is right even if it is costly. Thus, real men are afraid before battle, yet they move forward anyway. Real men are apprehensive in stressful situations but they still stand their ground. Real men have a healthy fear of God (Proverbs 1:7) and put all other fears in perceptive (Matthew 10:28). Real men are not ashamed to say they are nervous and afraid, but you can depend on them, when the time comes, they will move in the direction of the fear.
• Teach him the impossibility of hiding from God: All boys need to know clearly that they cannot run away from God or ignore Him (Hebrews 4:13; Jeremiah 23:24) without suffering severe consequences. I the idea that I must answer to God for everything I have said or done (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14), this is an extremely practical way of keeping any man morally and mentally healthy.
• Teach him how to work: And let me add, it is impossible to teach a boy how to work without working alongside of him. He needs to see that a man does not quit then the work gets tough, that a man continues to work even when no-man is looking or when it is cold or hot, or even when one is tired and there are 30 minutes left to the job.
• Give him something to do: Even at an early age, boys need a job, a purpose, chores, something meaningful to do, a feeling of helping out, getting something done and sense of accomplishment. Little boys function better when they are given chores and worked from morning until evening. Men live healthy and good lives when they go to bed tired each night (Ecclesiastes 5:12).
• Teach him how to treat women: Every Father should correct whatever false information he was given about women and marriage and only pass on the good stuff. When a man speaks about women he needs to speak respectfully (1 Peter 3:7). Remember, the goal is to prepare a body to lead a family when he is grown. Boys equally should be taught to be initiators when it comes to asking for a dating and paying for dinner.
• What boys like to read:
  • In general, boys want more action than girls. Boys like characters that do something. Boys like a book with facts and a fast plot. If you want boys to read fiction, then it needs to be full of information. Make reading a regular part of your family; let your son see you reading. Give books as presents, especially books that are about what interests them. Boys jump on books that match their interests. Show them the books that are out there, especially, Dad needs to share with his son books that he has enjoyed.

Mark Dunagan/Beaverton Church of Christ/503-644-9017
www.beavertonchurchofchrist.net